Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Passwords are like underwear: You shouldn’t leave them out where people can see them, you should change them regularly, and you shouldn’t loan them out to strangers.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

My attempts to purge my possessions always seem to result in me rediscovering that I have lots of nice things, after which I lie happily on my hoard like a dragon.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand baby oil. What are we greasing up all those babies for?

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

You ran a half marathon? That’s really cool, I’ve almost finished a bunch of things, too.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

The hottest thing a man can be is boring in his 30s.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

Seven wives and no alcohol? No thanks, Mormons.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ll let you guys know if the psych ward has wifi.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.