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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Roses are red. Blue got me thinking. I reckon it’s time for some excessive day drinking…

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

We have decided to sell the house. How long do you think it will take for our landlord to find out?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,269

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on WeChat:

I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Just shared via Pinterest:

I’m on that new diet where you eat anything you want and you pray for a miracle.

Breaking via Facebook:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I no longer need an alarm clock because I’m over 40 and have a bladder.

Going viral on TikTok:

Smoking will kill you. Bacon will kill you. Ironically, smoking bacon will cure it.

Going viral on Twitch:

The retirement age needs to be lowered to 40, I’ve had enough.

Trending via Telegram:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Seen just now on YouTube:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Making waves on WeChat:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

2 months ago

0

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the joys of summer! 🌞🕶️ Nothing says "seasonal entertainment" quite like the thrill of witnessing a flip-flop fumble 😅👣 Just remember, in the battle of man vs. flip flop, gravity always wins! Keep your eyes peeled for some toe-tally hilarious moments this summer! 🤣

always, beach, best, chance, clumsiness, flip, flip flop, flop, fun, funny moment, humor, laughter, moment, outdoor, outdoor fun, own, someone, summer, trip

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I watch “Law and Order” so much that when I turn off the TV, I wipe my fingerprints off the remote.

0

5 months ago

binge, binge-watching, control, fingerprint, fingerprints, humor, i, law, Law and Order, much, order, remote, remote control, turn, TV, watch, watching, wipe
The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

0

2 months ago

coffee, eating, economy, food, grass, here, humor, joke, matcha, people, satire, tough
I’m fat because I’m full of experiences, and most of those experiences took place at Mexican restaurants.

0

2 months ago

comedy, experience, experiences, fat, food, full, humor, humor about food, mexican, Mexican restaurant, most, place, restaurant, restaurants, self-deprecating, weight
I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

0

2 months ago

day, every, everyday, hell, humor, i, ID, interaction, office, sarcastic, tell, want, work
Do you ever wish you could just walk away mid-conversation when you’re bored?

0

2 months ago

away, awkward, awkward moment, bored, boredom, conversation, ever, interaction, just, moment, social, social interaction, walk, walking, walking away, wish
On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

0

2 months ago

chores, dishes, downside, help, helping, humor, kids, parenting, upside

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

20 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Oh no, we don’t go in there. That room belongs to the spiders.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

29 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t always have time to fold laundry, but when I do, I don’t.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

The price of groceries has gotten me thinking about what acorns taste like.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

Have you ever met someone and thought that you couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your life without them?

76 shares on Messenger this month:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

60 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate when someone on a magazine cover stares at me while I eat.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being single: When you don’t have to wait for someone to watch the next Netflix episode.

69 shares on Slack this month:

“Nobody wants to work anymore!” Personally, I have never wanted to work.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You’ll pay good money to hear a comedian say something offensive, but when I say it for free, I’m the bad guy.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is like a penis. Sometimes it’s up, sometimes it’s down. But it’s never hard forever.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Men be like: I would love the opportunity to give you the bare minimum.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

‘Sex with your ex’ is so stupid. If you want to dwell on the past, you can just buy a history book.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Sleep is a beautiful thing. You don’t miss anyone, you can’t do anything wrong and you simply feel nothing.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Stop worrying if people like you. They don’t.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t care for the term drug mule, why can’t it be a drug unicorn.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,448

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

You don’t even have to date, by the way. You can just take a break from love and then randomly meet the actual love of your life somewhere you weren’t even supposed to be.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Cracking the ice cubes out probably feels so good for the ice tray.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Being called by your real name in a relationship kinda sounds like a divorce.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Fuzzy socks on and ready for anything.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

Being a procrastinator and a perfectionist means you’re stressed about work … that you haven’t even started yet.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Couldn’t afford a man cave. Had to settle for a gazebro.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

“Gravy is not a beverage.” Okay, well that’s why I was trying to drink it in the bathroom, so you wouldn’t see me.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

Which wine pairs best with WWIII?

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” then start drawing a pentagram in blood on their floorboards.

Trending via Threads:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Can’t be sexting when you’re somewhat articulate. You just sound like a vampire.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the last twelve digits of Pi.

Live now on Facebook:

My bad for thinking everyone has common sense.

Making waves on Twitch:

Everyone thinks they’re brave right up until a goose starts chasing them.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

I get so flattered when butterflies or bees buzz around me. Like, sorry ladies, I’m not a flower, but it’s so sweet that you thought I was. Hehe.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

Seen just now on Threads:

The closest I’ve come to mastering a martial art is figuring out how to wash my feet in the shower.

Live now on Snapchat:

As a child, all I wanted was as to be a time traveller, like my grandson and his grandson before him.

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