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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

If overthinking burned calories, I’d never need to exercise again.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

I suffer from that syndrome where your neutral expression makes it look like you’re an angry serial killer.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

My husband and I were doing yard work, but I started a fight so I could storm off into the air conditioning.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

Why be just a part of the solution when you can be the whole problem?

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes you have to sit back and imagine what life could be if it wasn’t a horrifying nightmare.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

The ways printers are like kids: Need feeding, are noisy and can’t function when offline.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,642

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

This family has a lot of nerve wearing all these clothes after I just did laundry.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Making waves on Threads:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I saw The Blair Witch Project way too young and it made me afraid of projects.

Making waves on Messenger:

Why do coffee beans smell so good, and coffee breath is like bleh?

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Hotel elevators are hell for those of us who are small-talk failures. The guy asked me, “You just get in today too?” and I said, “Well, no,” then stood in silence.

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

2 months ago

0

Summer is the best because there’s always a chance I’ll see someone trip on their own flip flop.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ah, the joys of summer! 🌞🕶️ Nothing says "seasonal entertainment" quite like the thrill of witnessing a flip-flop fumble 😅👣 Just remember, in the battle of man vs. flip flop, gravity always wins! Keep your eyes peeled for some toe-tally hilarious moments this summer! 🤣

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

0

2 months ago

account, five, humor, minutes, moment, money, paycheck, silence, spending
The worst thing about wearing headphones is when you hallucinate people shouting you. Like, why does this happen?

0

2 months ago

experience, hallucination, headphones, humor, isolation, music, people, perception, shouting, thing, why, worst
If politicians can text my cell phone asking for money, I should be able to text them directly with policy suggestions.

0

2 months ago

able, asking, cell, cell phone, communication, humor, i, money, phone, policy, politicians, should, suggestions, text
Losing jewelry is a different type of hurt.

0

2 months ago

different, humor, hurt, jewelry, losing, loss, pain, relationship, sentiment, type
I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

0

2 months ago

break, conversation, dating, five, guy, guys, heart, heartbreak, humor, i, love, me, relationship, seriously, seriousness, take, talk, wants
The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

0

2 months ago

drawer, frustration, household, household item, humor, impossible, item, items, open, purpose

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Pinterest this month:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

41 shares on Snapchat this month:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

86 shares on Slack this month:

Having teens is fun because they demand their independence but then turn right around and ask you for $20.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

Do people with lip filler know that they look like that?

70 shares on Threads this month:

Moving houses/apartments gotta be top 3 worst human experiences.

35 shares on Instagram this month:

“It’s Raining Men” and “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” are the same song from different points of view.

24 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ll never understand people who go through self-checkout line and slowly and carefully scan their items. This line is for stealing.

69 shares on Snapchat this month:

Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.

58 shares on Slack this month:

Shark tooth necklaces are the perfect accessory if you want to look tough but also tell the world, “I’ve been to a gift shop.”

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Christmas combines two things I love the most, getting fat and lying to children.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Mini skirts are so cute and fun, like, oops, my ass is out.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life, or they are living it to the fullest.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, no, I shut it off and back on again. Why are you still here?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Quitting my job to pursue my true passion: not working.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I drink all this water and for what. Just to pee? This planet is a prison.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Many years ago, I stood up to 100-200 million others only to sit in meetings now.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,385

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

Who called it a period tracker instead of a madvent calendar?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has viewed:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

The highest act of rebellion is to relax unconditionally.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

If Wonka had a spaghetti factory, I’d get sucked into a marinara river tube so fast.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

The one nice thing about your friends’ divorces is no one invites you to them.

Spotted on TikTok:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Freshly posted on Slack:

My psych professor asked if we’d heard of Pavlov. I said, “It rings a bell.” No one laughed; I’m too witty for this class.

Just landed via TikTok:

I wish I could invoice people for wasting my time.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Just rolled a joint. Not to get high or anything. It was just my ankle.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Going bananas on TikTok:

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Trending via TikTok:

Whoops, lost myself for about eight years there.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The introvert urge to leave a social event without saying goodbye to anyone.

Trending via WeChat:

Why do they make the wine glass so large if you’re not supposed to fill it to the top?

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