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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has bookmarked:

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Nothing is more fake than my friendliness on the phone at work.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Statistically, 6 out of 7 dwarfs aren’t happy.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Oligarchy sounds like something you dip your breadstick in at the olive garden.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Making waves on Instagram:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Spotted on YouTube:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Spending money is too easy. For my bank account’s sake, I need a bridge troll to ask me three riddles before I’m allowed to buy something.

Trending via Threads:

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

Breaking via Threads:

I usually decompose after work rather than decompress.

Just shared via TikTok:

Not to brag, but my children already knew everything I told them today.

Just landed via X:

Our parents were right all along, the music is too loud.

Just shared via Facebook:

The day they handed out patience, I left because it was taking too long.

Breaking via WeChat:

Don’t ring my doorbell unless you’re accompanied by a camera crew and holding balloons and a big check.

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

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The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.
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Commentary:
Ah, the government's procrastination game is strong, isn't it? 🏛️⏳ Just like the tax deadline sneaking up on us every year! 😂💸 Better late than never, right? At least we're all consistent in our procrastination tendencies!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

It’s a myth that we only use 10% of our brain, but I definitely know people who use less than that.

62 shares on Discord this month:

I grew up ugly, so I had to be funny, and then got hot in my twenties, so that’s how I became perfect.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

96 shares on Discord this month:

I just realized boobytrap backwards spells partyboob.

78 shares on WhatsApp this month:

For Halloween, I wanna be loved.

31 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

82 shares on Telegram this month:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

92 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Making fun of bands that only play 3 chords when I don’t even know what a chord is.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

“You win some. You lose some.” Me, after losing for the millionth time in a row.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Car insurance should give you back money at the end of the year for having no accidents.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My boss denied me a raise before my shift today. What’s some music you have never wanted to hear in a coffee shop?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

When you first meet a man, that fake version of him be so fire.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Many fruits can be great names… but the real challenge is naming a child after a vegetable….

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,557

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

I’ve been locked out of Tinder because of “unusual activity”. I must’ve got a match.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I can’t even think straight knowing a package got delivered while I’m not home.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

Fun fact: The confetti you’ll see in Times Square tonight was made from one CVS receipt.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, when I need a really good night’s sleep, I call my burrito guy to come over and tuck me in.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has viewed:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

I learned that when dogs lean against you it’s their version of hugging and now every time my dog leans against me my eyes start leaking.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

One of the great joys in this life is looking at your pet’s weird little teeth.

Going viral on Messenger:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Only bots from Nigeria are allowed to call me dear.

Spotted on Instagram:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Freshly posted on X:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

Trending via X:

Give us this day our daily internet validation.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Seen just now on Slack:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

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