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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

When I was young I fixed my parents’ computer and now that I’m older I fix computers for my kids. Are we the only generation that knows how computers work?

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

“Well, at least things can’t get any worse” has turned out to be a failure of my imagination.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Can I come over and shed hair everywhere?

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I get easily confused in the morning. Also in the afternoon and evening.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

People call me a “Trekkie,” but I’m not. I’ve only seen Star Wars a couple of times.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

I don’t push people away, I just do the Macarena.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

I suck at flirting, I end up arguing with them instead.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

I have now learned the moonwalk. It’s visually the coolest way to get fresh dog poop off the soles of your shoes.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

If they stole your post, they probably need it more than you do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,233

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

Don’t let the British accent fool you. I’m not saying anything smart.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Mom asked me what I was drinking the first time I got drunk and I said “breast milk” and now she’s not talking to me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

The good news: once you get a PhD, friends and family will refer to you as doctor. The bad news: They will only do it when you’re wrong.

Just shared via Slack:

Camping? No, thank you. If I wanted to sleep outside, I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Some things are better left unsaid, but people get drunk and say them anyway.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m at an age where I don’t have to go anywhere and I still have jet lag.

Trending via Telegram:

“I’m at the age where, if I use the wrong pillow at night, it hurts to turn my head the next day.”

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If it turns cold one more time, I’m gonna put the Christmas tree back up.

Spotted on TikTok:

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

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The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.
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Commentary:
Ah, the government's procrastination game is strong, isn't it? 🏛️⏳ Just like the tax deadline sneaking up on us every year! 😂💸 Better late than never, right? At least we're all consistent in our procrastination tendencies!

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Discord this month:

50 shades of single.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

26 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all your problems. Pick one person you hate and blame them for everything.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

Silence is my favourite form of communication in the morning.

63 shares on Threads this month:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

18 shares on Messenger this month:

That “never again” talk with yourself after a certain experience is always funny.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

Common sense is so rare these days that it should be considered a superpower.

29 shares on Telegram this month:

I hate it when I imagine how a conversation will go and then in the actual conversation the person goes off script. That’s not your line, man.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

9 folks are currently checking 👀

The bank just called and gave me the biggest compliment, said my balance is outstanding. I really needed that today.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

I tried counting sheep so I can fall asleep but that got boring, so I started talking to the shepherd instead.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I delete a post because I remember I’m too old for it.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I can’t keep up anymore. Happy birthday to everyone for the rest of your life.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Only after moving in together do you realize your girlfriend’s little quirks. Mine, for example, stores vegetables in the beer compartment.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,626

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

I’ve got 99 problems. I know this because I wake up in the middle of the night to review each and every one of them in great detail.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Nothing more humbling than being at a karaoke birthday party with a bunch of singers.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Preparing for my beach vacation by watching Jaws.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

Not to brag, but my date returned after using the restroom.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Car naps hit different, especially when you are the one driving.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

A little mischievousness is good for the soul.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

Trending via TikTok:

I’m so thankful I live on the planet that has pizza.

Seen just now on X:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

Just shared via Twitch:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Going viral on Discord:

I hate it when some random company refers to me as their “customer.” I’m like, look, we had one night of drunken shopping, we are not in a relationship.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Just landed via Messenger:

The real challenge of adulthood is figuring out what to eat every day.

Making waves on WeChat:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Going viral on Threads:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

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