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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Some stupid little amoeba decided to leave the ocean a billion years ago and now I have to worry about Monday.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Stupid cow blocking the road. HOW DAIRY!

Someone from 🇰🇿 has downloaded:

One day I’ll do amazing things. Today I’ll be satisfied if I don’t spill food on my lap.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I would prefer not to.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Have you ever been so hungry but had no food in the house, so you took a nap instead?

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Just saw the fattest bird. This guy must get up early as hell.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Men: Masters of multitasking – can watch sports, ignore laundry, and forget your birthday, all at once.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has bookmarked:

Desperately searching the dating app settings for an option to turn down the difficulty level.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,954

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,954

23 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I always sit in the middle stall so I have a bathroom buddy.

Making waves on Instagram:

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

Spotted on Discord:

If you breakdance you buy dance.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

My ex texted me saying, “Hey, I miss you,” so I replied, “Sorry, I have zero bars — the past doesn’t have good reception.”

Going viral on Pinterest:

Pets can’t talk but everyone loves them. This is not a coincidence.

Shared recently on Telegram:

My husband asked me if he had any annoying habits then got offended during the PowerPoint presentation.

Live now on Messenger:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

Shared recently on Threads:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Making waves on YouTube:

When Hulk wrecks shit he’s “incredible.” When I do it I’m “causing a scene” and “need to leave this place immediately.”

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

6 months ago

The haters said I couldn’t do it. And the haters? They were right. They were correct. They even nailed the small details, frankly it’s amazing.

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Commentary:
"Who knew the haters were so spot on with their predictions? 🙄 It's almost like they had inside information! 😂 Well, at least they're consistent in their accuracy, right? 🤷‍♂️ Keep shining bright despite those 'correct' haters! 💪✨"

amazing, correct, details, do it, even, haters, humor, i, irony, right, self-deprecation, small

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

792 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,954

Funny Quotes Topics

13,925

Funny Quotes Images

10,954

23 minutes ago

3,424

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Sports are better when you have hate in your heart.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

I’m not like the other girls. I’m a 37 year old man.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has downloaded:

Dear resealable chocolate bag, your confidence in my self-control was truly inspiring. And you were delicious.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has copied:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

The problem with rich people is that I am not one.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on X:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Making waves on Reddit:

Everyone knows that Christmas is the celebration of the immaculate conception of Mariah Carey.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

One thing I miss about the pandemic is getting to rip my mask off like I just botched a surgery.

Reported on Messenger:

I like that they put all that stuff outside for you to look at when you’re on a walk.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Live now on Reddit:

A bridesmaid, but to carry the end of my CVS receipt.

Shared recently on Messenger:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Trending via TikTok:

People always love to claim that a celebrity’s death is “unexpected”, but they never actually release the data on which celebrities they expected to die that day.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m at the age where I consider any picture of me taken in the last ten years “current.”

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