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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

You can’t make everyone happy. You’re not a jar of Nutella.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Just stay single, y’all… I’m here apologizing for taking a nap.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

While a leaf blower is a close second, my preferred cleaner is a flamethrower.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

A beautiful woman should never have to send an email. Yet, such tragedies occur every day.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand why bugs come inside when they have a whole outside to themselves.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

I’m so hungry, I could eat my own cooking.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

At no single point in the Bible does it tell you not to sell drugs.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has downloaded:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Discord:

Humidity is great because then people think it’s not my fault that my hair looks like this.

Spotted on Facebook:

Having to write cover letters is so dumb. Do you really believe my dream ever since I was a little girl was to work for you? No. It was to ride a pony on a funky space rainbow. Grow up.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

The future is buffering.

Going viral on Telegram:

JFK is the perfect name for this airport because it’s a bloody headache.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Just got revenge on someone who wronged me many, many years ago. Never relax, I’m coming.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

The hardest thing about chess is the other guy is always doing some shit.

Just shared via Telegram:

Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

Just shared via Reddit:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Friendly reminder to drink your water and mind your business this week.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

2 months ago

0

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like Adam and Eve missed out on some creative culinary adventures by not being Chinese! 🐍🍎 Imagine the Garden of Eden with a snake stir-fry instead of the whole "Original Sin" drama – talk about a twist in the tale! Who knows, maybe they would have started a chain of snake-themed restaurants instead of being banished. All in good humor, of course! 🤣🇨🇳

Adam, apple, Chinese, culture, different, eve, food, history, humor, irony, left, snake

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

0

2 months ago

baby, embarrassing, embarrassment, fool, front, funny moment, laugh, laughter, moment, self-deprecation, thing, world, yourself
People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

0

5 months ago

activity, fly, fly kite, glad, humor, kite, nostalgia, over, past, past activity, people, sarcastic, sarcastic humor, used
I’m 6 donuts away from being the elephant in the room.

0

2 months ago

away, being, donut, donuts, elephant, food, humor, joke, room, self-deprecation, weight
Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

0

2 months ago

days, every, humor, Monday, procrastination, Saturday, time, tomorrow, weekend, workweek
If the interviewer doesn’t think it’s cool when you pull a quarter out of his ear, the job wasn’t good enough for you anyways.

0

2 months ago

confidence, cool, ear, good, humor, interviewer, job, magic, magic trick, quarter, think, trick, workplace
I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

0

2 months ago

call, ever, humor, i, irony, purpose, quality, recorded, recorded call, training, used, wonder

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

98 shares on TikTok this month:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

93 shares on TikTok this month:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

82 shares on Pinterest this month:

The real flex is becoming the woman he cannot run back to.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

Sometimes my body needs to be punished by Taco Bell.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

“You’re a cardiologist? Is that like a fancy name for an auto mechanic?”

66 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

19 shares on Twitch this month:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

12 shares on Messenger this month:

Sexting is hilarious, when you think about it. Like, this email truly should’ve been a meeting.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I will never understand people’s fascination with their ancestry, isn’t knowing your current family bad enough.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Kinda sucks that I actually own a skeleton but don’t get to show anyone until I die.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Notice how ghosts never wear fitted sheets?

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I have had songs stuck in my head and I have had people stuck in my head, I highly recommend songs.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I love staying in a hotel. I’m eating room service in bed while I watch the worst TV show of all time on cable television. I’m working out in the gym and swimming in the pool. I’m using the amenities. To hell with Airbnb.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

“Do something with your life.” Um, I am. Have you heard of a little thing called squandering?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,253

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

If history repeats itself, I’m getting a pet dinosaur.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I always do my best sleeping in the 10 minutes before my alarm goes off.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

Before we all die from nuclear war or a global climate crisis, can we get a little alien invasion as a treat.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I’m running out of people I like.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

I’m not built to work, I’m built to brood in a castle with all my unread books.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

I used to blame all my problems on my parents, but now that I’m a grown up, I have come to terms with the fact that when bad things happen to me, it’s probably just that Mercury’s in retrograde again.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Grandmas be like: Imma stay for a few days and reset your children back to factory settings.

Breaking via Twitch:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

Just landed via YouTube:

Grocery shopping before Christmas is a nightmare. My milk expired while I was waiting in line.

Going viral on Twitch:

I’m not worried about shattering the illusion, I want to smash it to pieces.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Spotted on WeChat:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Live now on Snapchat:

Take one positive friend and one negative friend with you on your next road trip. That way when your battery dies, you can hook cables to them and start your car.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you start a sentence with “Let me reiterate…”, I’m gonna ignore it the second time too.

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