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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Asked a German girl for her number, and I’m still waiting for the rest of the digits. So far, all I have is “nine.”

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

“I’m getting to an age where I realize I shouldn’t have laughed at my grandparents for having an ‘upstairs’ vacuum.”

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Meetings are great because who doesn’t like being held hostage?

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

You’re the human embodiment of an “ugh.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

I ran out of toilet paper so I had to start using old newspapers. The Times are rough.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

My bed wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I had to stay home to take care of it.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

People who wear jeans for fun around their house have bodies buried in their backyard.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,688

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

You know it’s a fancy restaurant when you have to point at what you want on the menu because you can’t pronounce the name.

Going viral on Telegram:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

“You are what you eat”. I don’t remember eating a huge disappointment.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m officially at the age where I understand why my parents never wanted to go anywhere after work.

Going bananas on X:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

Broadcasted on X:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Going viral on Twitch:

I always work very hard and intensively to ensure that my wife can proudly say: “That idiot over there? Yes, that’s mine!”

Trending via Threads:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Seen just now on X:

The first sin in the Bible was eating an apple. The second was murder. That escalated quickly.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

YOLO because stupid people don’t know what Carpe Diem means.

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

2 months ago

0

The Internet is fun because you can post about banana bread and somehow end up in a fight.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Isn't it bananas how quickly a harmless banana bread post can ripen into a spicy online argument? 🍌🔥 The internet truly is a jungle where even the most innocent topics can become a battleground for keyboard warriors! 🌐💻 #BattleOfTheBreadBrigade

banana, banana bread, bread, drama, end, fight, fun, humor, internet, media, online, online drama, post, social, social media, unexpected

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

0

2 months ago

bag, bags, children, collection, family, gift, gift bag, humor, humor quote, i, inheritance, leave, tote, tote bag
Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.

0

2 months ago

cut, finger, harmless, humor, injury, job, life, never, office, office job, office life, paper, paper cut, workplace, workplace humor
November moving quicker than two lesbians who met three days ago.

0

2 months ago

ago, date, days, humor, joke, lesbian, moving, November, relationship, speed, three, time
Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

0

2 months ago

body, change, color, color change, every, eye, eye color, eyes, funny idea, humor, idea, little, rub, rubbing, should, time
Wanna worship each other until the end of all things?

0

2 months ago

devotion, end, eternity, humor, love, relationship, things, worship
I have the sex drive of a potato.

0

2 months ago

comparison, drive, humor, i, potato, relationship, self-deprecation, sex, sex drive, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

33 shares on Twitch this month:

Drugs don’t ruin lives. Drug tests do.

48 shares on X this month:

Are you bad wifi, cause im feeling no connection here.

85 shares on X this month:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

28 shares on X this month:

By the way, if you don’t buy anything on Black Friday, you can save up to 100%.

48 shares on Pinterest this month:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

62 shares on X this month:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

71 shares on Instagram this month:

If a man says “I don’t deserve you,” believe him. Because he is about to show you why.

54 shares on Telegram this month:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m so vulnerable to nostalgia. The sun will go down and I’ll be like: “Wow… remember when the sun was up… I miss who I was then”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

After my death, I’ll be very busy. The list of people to whom I want to appear as a ghost is getting longer every day.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

“Unc” is short for “unclear.” It’s unclear what it means. “Uncle” is short for “unclear” as well.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

12 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,237

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Am I just getting old or are people getting more annoying?

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I don’t like the person I become when my boss tells me I should be working while at work.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

Looks like it’s just you and me tonight, family size Toblerone.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Life tip: If all of your bathrooms are full and you’re waiting for someone to finish, just turn off the WiFi in the house.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Instagram should let you extend the run of one story for another 24 hours if the intended target didn’t see it.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Worst part of a corporate job is no tips. Someone should slip you a $20 if you write a killer email.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

A moth is just a butterfly with glasses and its hair up.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

A burrito is just a sleeping bag for beans.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has copied:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Making waves on Slack:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Parents saying “I know my child” will forever be the funniest joke.

Just landed via YouTube:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Going viral on Slack:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Shared recently on Threads:

Instead of making a sound, car alarms that go off at night should blast your name so everyone knows it’s your car.

Trending via Facebook:

Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”

Breaking via Pinterest:

Skinny people are easier to get blown around by storms. These donuts are for my safety.

Trending via Facebook:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Freshly posted on X:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

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