Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Ah, the rare silver lining of dealing with egotists – their self-centeredness serves as a shield against all the gossip and drama! 😂🙌 It's like having a VIP pass to a one-person show, starring themselves. 🌟 #EgoOnPoint"

egotist, humor, nice, nice thing, people, personality, self-centered, talk, thing, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, always, humor, i, irony, knife, me, preparedness, run, someone, spoon
Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

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2 months ago

addiction, caffeine, coffee, danger, humor, i, serious, seriousness, society
Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

0

2 months ago

cell, cell phone, company, give, give up, hold, hold music, humor, interest, jazz, lose, music, phone, play, smooth, smooth jazz, working
My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, commit, existential, goal, humor, life, seppuku
Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

0

2 months ago

911, forced, funny situation, hello, humor, me, meet, meeting, neighbors, over, situation, walk, wife, yes
When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

0

2 months ago

context, date, humor, i, rejection, relationship, right, silent, someone, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’m just playing devil’s advocate here.” Ok, why are you helping the devil?

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

24 shares on X this month:

Some people aren’t just missing a screw, the whole toolbox is gone.

65 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your joints are now meteorologists.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

It’s funny we got universal near-perfect free translation, and the world didn’t really change at all.

22 shares on TikTok this month:

Even wild things have slow mornings.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

99 shares on Slack this month:

Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Cars should have two horns, one for “excuse me, kind friend,” and another for “curse you and your family for generations.”

63 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s not you. Just the things you say, think, and do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has shared:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here doing an epic air-drum solo to ‘In The Air Tonight’.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I heard you like bad girls. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

The most refreshing way to fight your personal demons is to make demonade.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

No rizz, just pretty eyes and many unsettling things to say.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

If you’re thinking what I’m thinking, you need professional help.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

No offense, fellas, we love compliments, but a compliment from another woman means just a little bit more.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has bookmarked:

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

The best plans on a Friday night are no plans.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on YouTube:

“Boy, you made these perimenopausal ovaries come back to life,” – me flirting.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

You can always gauge my mood by the type of animal videos I share: sweet puppy videos or a cat smacking the shit out of someone.

Trending via Slack:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Babe, are you OK? It’s already Q4, and you’ve barely touched your “2025 roadmap.”

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I hope I don’t die of something stupid like old age, I want a piano to fall on my head.

Trending via Messenger:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

No one tells you that the older you get, the more often you check your weather app.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Absolutely destroyed my bed last night… I cuddled those covers so hard.

Going viral on Discord:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

Breaking via Snapchat:

My morning routine includes 20 minutes of staring at the ceiling thinking about how tired I am and debating if I really need to live today.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Hey cell phone companies who play smooth jazz hold music hoping I’ll lose interest and give up: yeah, it’s kinda working.

My goal in life is to not have to commit seppuku.

Hello 911? Yes, my wife is forcing me to walk over to meet the neighbors.

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨