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"Well, it's all fun and games until you end up in heaven's customer service line requesting to speak to the manager… 🌥️👼🏼🙅🏻‍♂️ #PerksOfAfterlife"

afterlife, complain, heaven, humor, ID, manager, reason, sarcasm, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

2 months ago
existence, humor, medium, raw, sex, sexuality, well-done
I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

1 month ago
ambition, crazy, halfway, humor, rich, self-awareness, wealth
Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

5 months ago
call, communication, Earth, frustration, horror, humor, i, just, me, message, missed, missed call, phone, screen, sorry, staring, technology, text, text message, why, wondering
Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

1 month ago
back, heartbreak, humor, Instagram, life, media, men, relationships, ruin, social, social media, story, whole
Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

1 month ago
desire, humor, i, men, relationships, sarcasm, suffer, suffering, want
One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

1 month ago
adult, after, back, blues, hardest, long weekend, Monday, Monday blues, motivation, office, productivity, returning, things, weekend, work

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has viewed:

It’s actually quite simple: I don’t want to eat less, I just want to weigh less.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has shared:

The new generation will never know what heartbreak feels like with wired headphones that have a loose connection.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Hate when other parents at school drop off act like they’re better than me just because they remembered to bring all of their children.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Netflix & by yourself.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

Really looking forward to the day my teenager starts speaking English again.

Just landed via YouTube:

If you eat well and exercise, you’ll die fit.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m not mad, I just hope your socks slide off in your shoe all day.

Spotted on YouTube:

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

You are only young once. After that you have to think up some other excuse.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Living in your parent’s house is free because you pay with your soul.

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Activity Log ✨

The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

I’ll never salute you, General Settings.

Gravity called. It’s sick of holding me up.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

“I’m fluent in creating worst-case scenarios in my head.”

Nothing makes me feel more powerful than when I write ‘furthermore’ in an email.

Having a horse run off on you in medieval times must have been crazy. Imagine if your car got scared and ran away, and you found it a day later by itself at a gas station.

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

My brain at 2 a.m.: “You up?”

I will always be hotter than everyone who hates me.

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

You don’t scare me, I was married once.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

My plan is to die young as late as possible.

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

Going to bed early is easy, going to sleep early is a whole other set of problems.

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The only reason I’d want to go to heaven is to complain to the manager.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

I wanna be crazy rich. I’m already crazy, so I’m half way there.

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Men will ruin your whole life and come back and like your Instagram story.

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

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Trending Topics 📁

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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