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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Loving her was my second biggest mistake. Not buying Bitcoins in 2010 still remains the first.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Songs discovered from movies are usually a masterpiece.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

We should put a tariff on being mean to me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

He was clicking his pen 137 times a minute, Your Honor.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Take my advice, I’m not using it.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

The shrooms told me that we need to get our shit together. That humanity is a bundle of bad habits. I’m headed back in a few weeks, and they need a response from us. What do I tell them?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,776

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Threads:

Job interview: Where do you see yourself in five years? Me: Hopefully on a sabbatical.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Freshly posted on Threads:

People be like, “I’m a work in progress” and never make any progress.

Spotted on TikTok:

“I’m not concerned about Netflix buying Warner Brothers. None of this will matter once we evolve gills and start living underwater.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

If a man says he’ll fix it, he will fix it. There’s no need to remind him every six months.

Trending via TikTok:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My card declined at Subway and they started eating the sandwich in front of me.

Going viral on Twitch:

It’s Friday. I ran out of small talk on Tuesday. Please leave me alone.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Is there an app yet that converts voice messages into text messages?

Seen just now on Facebook:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

1 month ago

Funny quote about a persistent mosquito mistaking bites for a wine tasting.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Seems like that mosquito has some fancy taste buds! 🍷🦟 Must have been looking for a more refined blood type! 😂"

annoyance, biting, humor, last, me, mosquito, night, same, tasting, thought, wine

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

32 shares on Snapchat this month:

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

52 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish my doctor would put down a little treat to distract me like my vet does for my dog.

30 shares on X this month:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

The word synergy sounds like a mix of the words sin and energy. Like, to be debauched but to do it with flair and zest.

100 shares on Discord this month:

The rumors of my will to live have been greatly exaggerated.

30 shares on WeChat this month:

Seems like the mosquitoes swiped right on me.

15 shares on Pinterest this month:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

95 shares on X this month:

If I’ve offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize, I honestly did not think you could read.

13 shares on Twitch this month:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

Microwaves have zero chill. We get it, time is up. Calm down.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

Work can be tiring at times, and you might feel like quitting. But remember those plane tickets.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

A man will beg you to take him back just to act right for 5 days and 24 min.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

A bad relationship can ruin a good song.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Vote for me and I will halve the calories in chocolate.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

My favorite thing to do on the weekend is not leave my house.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Raising a teenager is like nailing pudding to the wall.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

Going viral on X:

Big fan of taking a huge bite and then nodding while I chew. You make an excellent point, food.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Spotted on Snapchat:

If social media has taught me anything, it’s that we are all crazy in a different way.

Breaking via YouTube:

It always takes me an hour to get ready. 45 minutes for doing nothing and 15 hectic minutes for the rest.

Spotted on Messenger:

What’s it called when you’re super insecure but, at the same time, you can walk into a room full of people and think you’re better than everyone else?

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Bragging about how I’ve “really turned my life around recently” without mentioning in which direction.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You should be able to mute someone in real life. Annoying coworker? Silence them for 24 hours by booping them on the nose!

Yes, liquor store clerk, I do need help. But I decided to come here instead.

I will never understand why our washing machines feel the need to lie about how much time is left. If you need more time, just let me know, that’s fine.

It’s weird how the UFO’s always seem to crash in places that only the government and military have access to.

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨