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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

I don’t think anything good will ever happen again until people feel bad about being stupid again.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Given the amount of clowns around here, you’d think it would be more entertaining.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

The biggest problem with working from home? I want to go home even though I’m already at home.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Sorry I’m late. My catapult malfunctioned.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

For all those wondering, yes, I am retired. I was tired yesterday, and I am tired again today.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

69 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,338

Funny Quotes Topics

17,456

Funny Quotes Images

15,338

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,659

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

That song stuck in my head is “Don’t Speak”; I have no doubt in my mind.

Making waves on X:

When someone loses something, I like to ask helpful questions like ‘Where did you last see it?’ and ‘Where did you put it?’ and ‘Where is it?’

Seen just now on X:

If only guys would moan in bed like they do in the gym…

Just landed via YouTube:

If alcohol was the one that was banned instead of weed, then a lot of people would have had memories of hungry, stoned fathers instead of angry, drunk ones.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Rudolph’s bright red nose would not have done anything to improve Santa’s visibility in dense fog.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

Spotted on WeChat:

Remember, if you start with, “It’s crazy to think…” you can say whatever you want.

Going bananas on Slack:

When you ask for your phone charger back and your teenager has the audacity to ask “what percentage are you on?”

Going viral on Discord:

I’m at the age when riding around town, I say, “When did they build that?”

Freshly posted on Slack:

Trying to explain to my cat why she can’t jump off the balcony, even though I want to as well.

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

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There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.
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Commentary:
"Who knew tomato soup could be so versatile? 🍅❄️🍸 It's a culinary adventure – cold, on the rocks, with a splash of vodka! Perfect for those moments when you want to warm your soul, but also keep it chill and sophisticated. Cheers to creative soup concoctions! 🥂😄"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on TikTok this month:

At this point, Tom Cruise is a stuntman who does his own acting.

94 shares on YouTube this month:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

72 shares on Facebook this month:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

37 shares on Slack this month:

Why would I date a nonchalant man? I like my men how I like my thong.

49 shares on Pinterest this month:

I find that age is just a number, and the older you get, the number you get.

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hello darkness, my old friend. Why are you here? It’s 6:00 pm.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

My laptop is overheating because I am doing a really good job.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

Telling the cop I’ll give him his nose back if he lowers his firearm.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Looking to sell my DeLorean. Great shape, low mileage. Only driven from time to time.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a good heart has done nothing but made me look stupid.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Felony Vandalism is a beautiful name for a girl.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

22 folks are currently checking 👀

That was the last cup of coffee in my life. From tomorrow I’ll be drinking straight from the pot.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My so-called “friends” have asked that I stop referring to them that way.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

69 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,338

Funny Quotes Topics

17,456

Funny Quotes Images

15,338

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,519

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

Me, seeing a man proposing to a woman in public: Hey, this guy bothering you?

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

They should invent a self-checkout where someone else scans the items and puts them in a bag.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Rorschach tests are like so easy. Everything’s either a demon or a butterfly and it’s up to you to decide.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

The best time to visit Japan is when you have money!

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

Guy smoking weed daily: “I think smoking weed in moderation is fine.”

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

But have you tried getting slow neck kisses and soft ear whispers about it?

Just shared via Telegram:

I’m no doctor but I’m pretty sure this Santa-shaped chocolate oughta settle my stomach.

Breaking via Facebook:

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I used to think the cat was dumb for staring out the window, waiting for birds, but I’d probably stare too, if occasionally a pizza flew by.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Anyone still shut off lights when leaving a room because their parents used to say, “Don’t waste electricity!”

Just landed via Reddit:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Making waves on YouTube:

Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Going viral on Snapchat:

She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

Breaking via WeChat:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

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