There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

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I tried to embrace my flaws. They filed a restraining order.

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I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

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You don’t do laundry once a week. You do it constantly, endlessly, forever—until you die.

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We need to stop making more Christmas music. We have enough.

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I never make the same mistake twice. I make it three four times, you know, just to be sure!

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It was the kind of movie that kept you on the edge of your seat, waiting for something interesting to happen.

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I just saw someone on TikTok say that the reason the world didn’t end in 2012 is because Psy turned the Honmoon gold with Gangnam Style.

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Kind of rude you didn’t wake me up before you went went.

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Hey Grok, scan through all my mutuals and find me a girlfriend, thanks!

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Being insane should at least burn calories.