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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

This flight is so long, I don’t know where I’m going anymore. I just live here now. Even the crying baby gave up.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

Our parents are going to be shocked when they find out that most of us are serious about not getting married.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has viewed:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I found a box of VHS tapes. I’m a bit nervous about the one that has the label torn off.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has bookmarked:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Gollum is like, “Actually, this is my emotional support precious.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

You could waterboard pretty much any embarrassing information out of me. I’m very waterboardable.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,488

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

The lion does not concern himself with the check engine light.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You don’t need fun to have alcohol.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Piñatas are a fun way to intentionally maim the guests at your party.

Just landed via Slack:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Trending via YouTube:

I wanna become so financially stable that God uses my pockets to bless others.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I saw a bird get a worm today. It was about 11 am. So, don’t give up on your dreams, buddy!

Seen just now on Telegram:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Spotted on YouTube:

Establish dominance by eating a salad in front of your indoor plants.

Seen just now on X:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

Breaking via Pinterest:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

0
They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.
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Commentary:
"Imagine a day where you're as energetic as a puppy with a bottomless supply of coffee! ☕️🐶 Perpetual motion, no yawns allowed! Who's in for a 'No-Tiredness Day' movement? 💪😆 #BringOnTheZapGuns"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on Discord this month:

Our neighbor complained that our cat is always running through his garden. My father said: “Okay, I’ll tell her.”

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

You don’t have to check your Spotify Wrapped, you are the most played this year.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

45 shares on X this month:

The way Adele works for 6 months and then disappears for 7 years is very much the work-life balance I’m all about.

54 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I delay my haircut intentionally to look rugged just to make that glow-up more iconic.

81 shares on Instagram this month:

I wish every day had 30,000 hours, and that I had unlimited Adderall and was unemployed.

42 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve deleted enough tweets to know that I should never get a tattoo.

28 shares on Discord this month:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

19 folks are currently checking 👀

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My funeral better have a bloody merch table.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you dating anyone?” I close my eyes when I walk past mirrors.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be a good 10 hours in between waking up and having to interact with people.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to get out of the house every once and a while to remind yourself of why you don’t go out.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s called the Summer Olympics so one of the events should be running in flip flops to catch the ice cream man.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to be cuddled, but I also want to be left alone. Being crazy is hard.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I’m typing away, expecting autocorrect to have my back, and I look down and just see awjdbdmkskan.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,533

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has viewed:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Does my career know that I’m pursuing it, or is it another one-sided relationship?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

It’s crazy windy today. Trash is blowing everywhere, so watch out for your ex.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

Who can better express pain and grief and misery than a man with a harmonica?

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Adulthood – a never-ending story of shit you have to do.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

I take issue with furniture that deliberately moves 1 inch when you’re in a rush to get by.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Imagine being all knowing and still putting a snake in charge of apples.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I get writer’s block responding to people.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

Live now on Twitch:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Live now on Telegram:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Just landed via X:

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Going bananas on Instagram:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

Seen just now on Twitch:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

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