They should invent a day where you aren’t tired.

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It’s so much easier to suggest solutions when you don’t know too much about the problem.

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Therapy is life letting you speak to the manager.

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According to the amount of bacon I just cooked. I’m a family of 8.

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Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

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I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

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A camel walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring your own drinks in here!”

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Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

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In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

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There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

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Play the long game? You mean Monopoly?