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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Senility is the pits. Spent an hour driving around the mall parking lot looking for my car.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I once made the irresponsible decision to drink and drive and now I have to live the rest of my days with a coffee stain on my favorite sweater.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Before Google, if you didn’t know something you had to go ask someone and most of the time they couldn’t help you, and now that’s also how Google works.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Reading is a gateway drug to being less stupid.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

I just got lied to by 3K+ people. That recipe was awful.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

You are what you eat! (If anyone needed more encouragement to eat the rich.)

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

All my life choices led me to this post right here, and if that’s not an indictment of free will, I don’t know what is.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,508

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Do you laugh at your own jokes, or are you emotionally stable?

Going viral on WhatsApp:

By 30, you should have settled down with an addiction that works for your lifestyle, no second guessing. You go to work, come home, and [addiction].

Spotted on Pinterest:

Are people born with photographic memories or do they take time to develop?

Seen just now on Telegram:

I make her eyes roll back. Not in bed though. I’m just annoying.

Just shared via Slack:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Shared recently on Discord:

While you were rotting and wasting your life away, I was doing the exact same thing.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Your hoodie strings are uneven. Go home and get your shit together!

Seen just now on Facebook:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

Spotted on TikTok:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.

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“This too shall pass.” And then some other bullshit will come and take its place. It never f**king ends.
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Commentary:
"Well, isn't that just life's special way of saying surprise, surprise! 🙃 Just when you think you've got it all figured out, here comes another plot twist ready to stir things up! 🌪️ Hang in there, the merry-go-round of nonsense keeps spinning! 🎠 #LifeIsAJoke"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

66 shares on Messenger this month:

An Advent Calendar for adults but behind every door is a different kind of anxiety medication.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

17 shares on Discord this month:

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

70 shares on TikTok this month:

On the upside, my kids are helping with the dishes. On the downside, my kids are helping with the dishes.

13 shares on WeChat this month:

Adulting is when you realize that all you need is a home, stable income and a peaceful partner.

100 shares on Telegram this month:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

71 shares on Snapchat this month:

Diarrhea. Having it. Spelling it. Everything about it is shit.

81 shares on Threads this month:

I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.

37 shares on Instagram this month:

Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey! Sorry I missed your text, I am processing a non-stop 24/7 onslaught of information with a brain designed to eat berries in a cave.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Whoever said diamonds are a girl’s best friend clearly has never met shredded cheese.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Not being able to teleport is a huge inconvenience for me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Relationship status: I love my bed.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Even before the internet, I always had a little side chat going on in my head.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Another beautiful day without using sin, tan and cos.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“I’m not short. I’m just more down to earth than most people.”

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t understand, but I also don’t care… so it works out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

244 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,513

Funny Quotes Topics

17,581

Funny Quotes Images

15,513

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,700

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

I talk a lot of shit for someone who is startled by my own toast popping up while I’m watching it. Every. Single. Time.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Feeling morally and spiritually adrift without a Sunday HBO show.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has viewed:

I was at a funeral yesterday and spiced things up by walking over to complete strangers and saying “Ignore what everyone else thinks. I, personally, have no issue with you being here”.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

At what point in not being able to sleep do I throw the towel in and have a beer, since maybe that will help?

Someone from 🇶🇦 has downloaded:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

The problem with leading by example is that no one pays attention.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

We decided to have money instead of children.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Spotted on Slack:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I’ve discovered that my visiting family members leave crumbs in the butter. Please keep me in your thoughts during this difficult time.

Shared recently on Discord:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

Just shared via X:

I’d change my name to laundry if it meant you’d think about doing me every day.

Making waves on TikTok:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

As a parent of a teenage daughter, I would like to formally apologize to my parents for my tube-top and low-rise jeans era.

Going bananas on YouTube:

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

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