Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.

89 shares on Telegram this month:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

44 shares on Threads this month:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

41 shares on Messenger this month:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

There should be guide dogs that prevent you from making bad decisions.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

55 shares on Instagram this month:

You’re telling me people get eight hours of sleep? Like in one night?