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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I think about Adam and Eve and how they couldn’t even get a babysitter.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Naps are like gambling for the tired. You either wake up refreshed or too late to lots of angry texts.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Saying “shut up” before skipping the YouTube ad is literally necessary.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

Welcome to your 40s, you now don’t understand a single word anyone under 25 is saying.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

Frankly, I have too many situations and not enough monitors.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

Welcome to college, where every single person is smarter than you, except for the three people in your group project.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Jan 5, 2026

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Telegram:

l identify as a Christmas tree. Lit on the outside, dead on the inside.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Spotted on Telegram:

Asking for a cigarette, then adding it to my own pack.

Shared recently on X:

Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Breaking via Pinterest:

Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

Making waves on Facebook:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m just saying, no dog has ever ghosted me.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

Seen just now on Reddit:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Spotted on X:

I don’t think either person should pay for the first date. It should be on the house.

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

2 months ago

0

Too many toilets have automatically flushed underneath me for me not to have reservations about self-driving cars.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"🚽 Oh, the automatic flush surprises vs. autonomous cars! Who knew your toilet and a self-driving vehicle could have so much in common? Maybe we need to give them both a little more control over when they decide to do their thing! 💦🚗"

automation, car, cars, fear, flush, humor, me, reservations, self-driving, self-driving car, technology, toilet, toilets

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, bedtime, call, cop, cops, event, humor, i, joke, own, party, ready, sleep, social, social event
I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

0

2 months ago

activity, fun, humor, late, late night, midnight, napper, night, personality, snacker, yapper
Not to brag, but I’ve done nothing for several hours.

0

2 months ago

brag, done, hours, humor, idleness, inactivity, laziness, nothing, procrastination, relaxation
I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

0

4 months ago

angel, conclusion, guardian, guardian angel, humor, me, possessive, protection
“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

0

2 months ago

3, animal, comedy, cow, film, humor, movie, perspective, POV, should, told, Twister
Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, always, humor, irony, life, sleep, sleepy, struggle, tiredness, trying, welcome

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

93 shares on Discord this month:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

I become the most financially irresponsible person in the world the second I step into a Japanese stationary store.

24 shares on Telegram this month:

You never realize how long a minute is until you’re exercising.

99 shares on WeChat this month:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

Just emerged from my Y2K bunker. Everybody okay?

33 shares on Pinterest this month:

My body is a vessel for various dips.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

If a portal opened up in front of me, I’d go in—no questions asked.

81 shares on Discord this month:

Rudolph, with your nose so bright, help me find my phone tonight.

75 shares on Twitch this month:

In my defense, Your Honor, I grossly misunderstood the meaning of Boxing Day.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

All people make me happy. Some when they come, others when they leave.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Watching women’s tennis and getting angry at the net. We shouldn’t put needless obstacles in the way of women.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Oh, gross. I didn’t know there was protein in this powder. I was only drinking it for the lead.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t worry. You’re exactly where you should be in life. Because you’ve made horrible choices.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

This meeting could have been a cave painting.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could put an AirTag on my sanity.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

220 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,489

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,489

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,666

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

Apparently the term for migraine-sufferer is ‘migraneur.’ Nice getting recognition as a kind of artisan of suffering.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

No, I wasn’t dancing. I got harassed by a bumble bee.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Together, I can beat schizophrenia.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. Calling NASA and making alien noises.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

If your boyfriend insists he rolls everywhere because it’s ‘faster than walking’, you may be dating a gamer.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

“Is this a joke to you?” Unfortunately, everything is a little bit of a joke to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Will someone please make me drink some water and limit my screen time?

Trending via X:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Freshly posted on X:

Most guys probably just have a foot fetish because their first girlfriend was a sock.

Trending via Telegram:

The Midwest urge to have a drink on a patio as soon as it’s nice out.

Spotted on Discord:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Going viral on TikTok:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

Going viral on Reddit:

Elevator rides in real life: 30 seconds long. Elevator rides in movies: Two minutes long.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I was actually a little too thankful yesterday so today I’m going to even it out with some ungratefulness and entitlement.

Just landed via Slack:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Trending via Reddit:

There is no bigger day for microwaves than the 26th day of December. This is their Olympics.

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