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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Having a dirty mind and an innocent face is truly a blessing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

I miss when YouTubers would just record for, like, 20 minutes, and upload the whole thing completely unedited.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Disney set unrealistic standards of how often woodland creatures would help me clean and do laundry if I just sang out my window.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

The devil couldn’t reach me, so he made sure that the love I give is never reciprocated.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

Hey, I noticed you’re completely uninterested in me and couldn’t care whether I live or die. Would you like to build a life together?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

A few months after the wedding, Cinderella’s husband began to complain about her having too many shoes.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,257

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on YouTube:

No, I am not refreshed from my long weekend. I was reminded that I am not meant to work, but I am trapped in The Machine.

Making waves on Facebook:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Spotted on Facebook:

Remember: when a band skips your city on tour, it is always personal and they always hate you specifically.

Going viral on X:

Bottle of Worcestershire sauce tipped over in my fridge. The mess is unpronounceable.

Going viral on Slack:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Shared recently on Reddit:

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Husband and I were blissfully happy for 25 years. Then we met.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Just landed via X:

Alligators can live up to 100 years which is why there is an increased chance that they will see you later.

Trending via Reddit:

I bought some old lady reading glasses as a lark, a laugh, and now my eyes don’t hurt. This isn’t what I wanted.

Vegan zombies be like: GRAINS!

Funny text about vegan zombies excited about grains, playful and humorous in tone.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Watch out for those vegan zombies, they're definitely a-grain-storming their way through! 🌾🧟‍♂️ Better stock up on your quinoa and chia seeds to stay safe!"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

27 shares on TikTok this month:

Should I ever be mean and insulting, then it comes from the bottom of my heart.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

The Epstein client list but to the tune of Mambo number 5.

46 shares on Threads this month:

Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

18 shares on Threads this month:

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

Desperately seeking my soul, mate.

33 shares on WeChat this month:

There is too much money in the world for me to be broke.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

I just learned the professional way to say “I told you so”: “This was identified early on as a likely outcome.”

40 shares on Telegram this month:

Capri Sun tastes as if scientists had bet that they could make fruit juice without fruit.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

11 shares on Discord this month:

Seems like being an asshole is a full-time job for some.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Sucking melted cheese off the burger wrapper as God intended.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

My body looks like I have a great personality.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m really looking forward to getting a full 8 hours of overthinking in tonight.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Is this simulation from Temu?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,503

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

I could put my keys in the same spot every day, but why deprive myself of a treasure hunt that makes me late.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Just peed so much that a little laugh came out.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

The fake cough I use when calling in sick is now available on iTunes.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Who really needs jetpacks, I want to be able to start over from my last save point.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

After smartphones, we never got pictures of Bigfoot anymore. You know why? That’s right: 5G killed all the Bigfoots.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

Dude, we’re biting off more than we can chew tonight if you want to pull up.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has viewed:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

The real body count is how many people are in therapy because of you.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sorry, can’t. I took my bra off and threw it across the room an hour ago. There’s no coming back from that.

Just landed via X:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

Trending via Threads:

Stay humble and play dumb. People reveal who they truly are when they think they are smarter than you.

Shared recently on Facebook:

You have hopes and dreams. I have nopes and screams.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

A woman’s G-spot can be found at the end of the word shopping.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you’re looking for another bad decision, I’m here.

Just shared via Messenger:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Prophecy class has been cancelled due to unforeseen circumstances.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Humming & dancing while I plop my meds into my weekly pill counter like the happy little nutcase I am.

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