Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • Satan: “Would you please stop sacrificing animals to me. I’m not running a zoo down here.”
  • I don’t know who needs to hear this, but if you talk on speakerphone in public, everyone around you hates you.
  • Everyone else time traveling: Preventing wars or the spread of disease. Me: Buying multiple pairs of my favorite shoes they’ve stopped making.
  • If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.
  • Thanksgiving ain’t been the same ever since my uncle pulled that gun out on everybody.
  • Sometimes I tell myself I should stop drinking so much, but I’m not about to listen to a drunk who’s talking to himself.