We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

59 shares on WeChat this month:

Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

45 shares on WeChat this month:

Wine must breathe. I always hear that wine needs to breathe. I want to drink it and not revive it.

62 shares on Instagram this month:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

Don’t talk to me about regrets if you’ve never had someone’s name tattooed on you.

16 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve reached the age where I would rather go to a hardware store than a club.

55 shares on WhatsApp this month:

All the clouds have come out to play today.

63 shares on Pinterest this month:

You ever look at yourself on the self-checkout camera and think, “wow, I better write my will.”

57 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t afford a vehicle with wing doors, so I buy the Tupperware with lids which open that way.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s a Marie Antoinette feeling in the air.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

My life is based on a true story.