Trendy Funny Quotes

  • Confuse a restaurant manager today by telling her how good the service was.
  • Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.
  • I like my bed more than I like most people.
  • Every time we try to eat healthy, along comes Christmas, Easter, summer, Friday, or Tuesday, and ruins it for us.
  • Why do plane tickets have to be so expensive? You’re literally going that way anyway. Just give me a ride.
  • My neighbor told me he heard me having sex this morning. I was putting on my shoes.