Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Marriage – where 'bless you' turns into 'BOO!' for better or for worse! Remember, nothing says 'I love you' like a well-timed sneeze jump scare."

humor, man, marriage, married, obligation, scare, sneeze, wife

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

0

2 months ago

buying, comparison, even, haircut, humor, just, new, old, phone, satisfaction, technology, upgrade
There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

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2 months ago

arrested, comedy, crimes, humor, jail, Jaws, movie, sequel, shark, should, where
Body by sandwich.

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2 months ago

body, fitness, food, humor, joke, sandwich
It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

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2 months ago

argument, camel, convince, difficulty, eye, humor, irony, needle, online, opinion, pass, somebody, wrong
Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

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2 months ago

babe, distraction, enrichment, humor, nightly, phone, relationship, time
The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

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1 month ago

day, day name, exaggeration, Friday, funny week, humor, Monday, name, Saturday, Sunday, Thursday, Tuesday, Wednesday, week, weekday, weekend

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on TikTok this month:

Your honor, my client wasn’t trying to stab the victim. He was checking to see if he was cake.

61 shares on Twitch this month:

My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Unsolicited sandwich pics.

18 shares on Slack this month:

Maybe if I spend another day alone in my room then something life-changing will suddenly happen to me!?

69 shares on Discord this month:

I don’t call them exes, I call them whys.

71 shares on Telegram this month:

A hot coffee and a crispy bagel doesn’t change anything but it can’t hurt.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Dog barking like an angry baby, baby crying like an angry dog.

51 shares on Threads this month:

I can’t believe she picked her husband, her boyfriend and her other boyfriend over me.

33 shares on Snapchat this month:

Let’s call it a year. I’ve had enough. Merry Christmas, y’all.

79 shares on Telegram this month:

Being a consultant would be fun. Like “hmmm… maybe! Here’s your invoice.”

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m that person who will restart a song because I got distracted and wasn’t appreciating it enough.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

I’m a comedian. My pronouns are ha/ha.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Every weekend has two days: Saturday and It’s Monday Tomorrow.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand the concept of “the man of your dreams”. Every time my wife wakes up after dreaming about me, she is really pissed off about something dream me did.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I need a day off from myself.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

It’s jarring for me when there are British people in the Midwest. How did you get this far inland?

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Memories are a bit fuzzy – but regrets? They’re in 8K and Dolby Vision.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Slack:

I miss when bills were none of my business.

Going viral on Twitch:

There used to be many different names for the childhood game of knocking on doors and running away. But these days, it’s simply referred to as ‘being an Amazon driver’.

Just shared via WeChat:

Trying to watch a superhero movie without stressing about the infrastructure damage to the city.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I wait all week for the weekend just to aggressively do nothing in five different outfits.

Making waves on Messenger:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Just shared via Messenger:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Making waves on Slack:

My curse was lifted. Do you want to hang out?

Making waves on Discord:

It’s like winter is mad and keeps storming out, then coming back yelling ‘and another thing!’

Making waves on X:

(guy who’s not even that into you) I love you.

Just landed via Slack:

Fellas, if your lady is mad, ask her if it’s because she’s put on some weight. That’ll calm her down.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

When a man gets married he has a moral obligation to scare his wife when he sneezes.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

There should be a Jaws sequel where the shark finally gets arrested for his crimes and goes to jail.

Body by sandwich.

It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

The week be like Mooonnnday, Tueeesday, Weeeeednesday, Thuuuuursday, FriSatSun

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨