Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

“Topless” doesn’t always mean breasts or a convertible. Sometimes it also means the brain.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I hate when people can’t let go of the past. Debt collectors are the worst.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

Ever looked at your ex and wondered, was I drunk the entire relationship?

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

If you love someone, let them go. If they come back with snacks, it was always meant to be.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Why did Star Wars Episodes 4, 5 & 6 come out before 1,2 & 3? Because in charge of directing, Yoda was.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

Sometimes I think I’m too old to make a career change. But then I remember how Walter White went from high school teacher to drug kingpin. Anything is possible!

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

The way people who are really into each other look moments before kissing is so hot. It’s like seeing a glimpse of cannibalism.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Jan 2, 2026

3,348

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Feels like the Chinese government turned up the power on the sleepy ray they use on me every morning.

Shared recently on X:

Social media is proof that even mental hospitals have WiFi.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I see from the back of your car that you have found Jesus, but not your turn signal.

Trending via LinkedIn:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Making waves on Pinterest:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

“You never reply to messages.” I am just one person, okay? I am understaffed.

Making waves on WeChat:

Crying while wearing a backpack has unlocked a new level of humiliation I did not know was possible.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Normalize saying, “Just as the oracle foretold,” when things go your way.

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

2 months ago

0

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Judging a good doctor by their waiting room Wi-Fi? Well, looks like the real key to a strong patient-doctor relationship is a solid connection! 📶💉 Who knew your internet speed could be a vital sign too? 🤣 #DoctorApprovedInternet"

doctor, experience, good, healthcare, humor, i, patient, patient experience, room, say, someone, strength, technology, waiting, waiting room, Wi-Fi, wifi

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

No, sorry, next week won’t work. I’ll be a shadow of what I once was.

0

4 weeks ago

excuse, humor, i, next, once, schedule, shadow, sorry, tiredness, week, work
I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

0

2 months ago

awkwardness, communication, discomfort, feel, honesty, humor, i, making, me, natural, pattern, relationship, say, spot, tendency, uncomfortable, wish
Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert.

0

5 months ago

afford, band, bands, concert, cook, hire, humor, machine, should, smoke, smoke machine, wife
I need to start hiding my money from myself.

0

2 months ago

finance, hiding, humor, i, money, myself, need, procrastination, self, spending, start
Apparently, staying to yourself and not bothering people bothers people.

0

2 months ago

bother, bothering, humor, introvert, irony, people, self, social, staying, yourself
The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

0

2 months ago

Earth, fastest, humor, internet, mammal, sarcasm, smartass, web, wit

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Instagram this month:

My cat just sneezed a bunch of times in a row and then hissed at himself. What an icon!

89 shares on Messenger this month:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

78 shares on Discord this month:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

28 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t need therapy. I need everyone who’s ever wronged me to suddenly feel a chill and not know why.

15 shares on Telegram this month:

We like to vilify hot people, but it’s important to know that people who aren’t hot are also terrible.

30 shares on YouTube this month:

Cloud 9 is a very high place to fall from.

95 shares on Facebook this month:

I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.

69 shares on Pinterest this month:

Stop asking people over 40 what we like to do for fun. You’re not gonna like the answer.

25 shares on Discord this month:

I’m planning to eat the rich, but can I sub out fries for a salad?

22 shares on YouTube this month:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Black Friday used to have heart. I wanna see someone get clocked for a Wii.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

As you get older, it’s amazing how fast bird-watching creeps up on you…

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure, money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a jet ski… and have you ever seen a sad person on a jet ski?

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Have come to the devastating realization that I am an over-nodder on video calls.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Nighttime is when I remember that one weird thing I said in 6th grade, and feel bad about it forever.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

Next month is May. May all the money come to me.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,545

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇦 has viewed:

I could never be in the mafia, those guys stay up way to late.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

If you did the weekend right, your coffee needs coffee today.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

It’s so hot outside that when I opened my front door I thought I was checking on my oven.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has viewed:

Welcome to your 40s: it’s Saturday night so you know what that means, absolutely nothing, go to bed.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Saturday nights are for watching zombie shows and dreaming about the apocalypse.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

Just landed via Reddit:

My lawyer dropped his briefcase and nunchuks fell out.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Robot bartender rips me in half after listening to my problems for over an hour.

Going viral on Instagram:

This is no glow. This is the rage that boils inside me.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Just landed via Telegram:

Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Everybody in the world, stop fighting or no dessert.

Just shared via X:

At least men and women can agree on one thing: it feels amazing to take a bra off.

Breaking via Instagram:

Sometimes I wanna delete all my social media and throw my phone into a river.

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