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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

For a guy supposedly called my “brother,” I’ve never seen him make broth even once.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

It doesn’t matter how bizarre your situation is. Somebody on Reddit already been there, done that.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has shared:

I used to be sad about the climate apocalypse, but I went on a few dates and, honestly, I’m ready now.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

It’s so hot out here, I saw a bird blowing on a worm before he ate it.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

The worst part about being in your 40s is the 10 years of listening to people say, “Wait till you’re 50.”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

I kind of can’t wait for my generation to be bumping 90’s hip hop, rap, and heavy metal at the old folks’ homes.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

“You’re such a stalker!” God forbid a woman wants to know more about her future husband.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Babies will literally step on your face just to grab what they want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,346

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Going viral on X:

My husband cleaned the kitchen for the first time in years. He’s in the living room, dressed in a suit, waiting for the award ceremony to commence.

Shared recently on Messenger:

If your kids aren’t drinking enough water, tell them it’s bedtime.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

For a guy with no reflection, Dracula’s eyeliner is always flawless.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Just landed via X:

Entered this world crying, and honestly, not much has changed.

Going viral on Telegram:

People always ask me why there’s a chair in my shower. Who the hell eats breakfast standing up?

Shared recently on Facebook:

It’s so hot, ice bears are opening lemonade stands.

Making waves on YouTube:

I hate when people tell me I need to “get out of my comfort zone,” like I don’t even have a comfort zone; I am literally always uncomfortable.

Live now on Facebook:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

2 weeks ago

Witty quote suggesting seagulls enjoy punishing good deeds with humorous tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls 🕊️🍞. It's like they were just asking for trouble! Just imagine the chaos and destruction those hungry birds must have caused. Lesson learned: don't mess with seagulls unless you're prepared for the consequences! 🤣

deed, feeding, good, good deed, humor, irony, punishment, seagull

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on Discord this month:

Divorcing my wife to focus on my porn addiction.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Psychiatry is crazy because they’re just like… Oh, you’re really depressed? Would being on a pill that makes you fat help?

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

81 shares on X this month:

Just blocked all the ugly people, so if you see this… what’s up, big sexy?

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

First time buying fireworks, and I wasn’t sure I’d picked the right ones until the salesman gave me a wink and high-foured me.

62 shares on TikTok this month:

Took a personality test and the results just said “uh-oh”

92 shares on Reddit this month:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely touched the argument I baited you with.

37 shares on Messenger this month:

Great news everyone! The priest who took my confession is expected to make a full recovery.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

There are always new uncomplimentary angles to view yourself from. Keep contorting!

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Me, after skipping the tutorial: how the hell do you play this game?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss being the age where the most devastating thing in the world was when my sandwiches got cut into squares instead of triangles.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

14 folks are currently checking 👀

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

They said don’t try this at home, so I’m coming over to your place.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

As parents we have to make sacrifices all the time. Today, I had to eat my kid’s ice cream because she couldn’t finish it.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

24 folks are currently checking 👀

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,352

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t have to take this abuse from you; I’ve got hundreds of people dying to abuse me.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Simplicity is so complicated.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 40s, where the hair shows up uninvited and looks pissed to be here.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

But what if I don’t want someone that’s good for me?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

I need a weighted blanket that won’t let me get out of bed in the morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

Crazy to think that even after all of these years the Titanic’s pool still has water in it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Going bananas on YouTube:

Adulthood is just waking up tired one day, and then being tired forever after that.

Just shared via Twitch:

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Trending via Messenger:

How quickly family vacations go from “Omg, we only have 4 days left” to “Omg, we still have 4 days left”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Spotted on Telegram:

People say 70-80 year olds are unemployable because of mental decline, yet somehow they’re running all the countries.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Is it too late to reset my life back to factory settings?

Just shared via WeChat:

If someone texts “Do you have a minute,” it’s a trick. Don’t fall for it.

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