Why would anyone ever jump OUT of a cake?

70 shares on Threads this month:

Adulthood will turn Gmail into part of your social media routine.

30 shares on Messenger this month:

The biggest difference between my toddler and me is that if I had poop on my butt, that’d be priority #1.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

96 shares on Snapchat this month:

“I’m too young to be forgetting why I walked into a room.”

12 shares on Twitch this month:

“I can’t possibly lose this if I put it here” I say to myself before completely forgetting where here is.

31 shares on Telegram this month:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

26 shares on Facebook this month:

So many songs that tell you to throw your hands in the air like you just don’t care, so few about the hazards of ceiling fans.

37 shares on Pinterest this month:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Anyone who thinks office jobs are harmless has never cut their finger on paper.