You better pray to whatever god you serve that this email finds you before I do.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

November is for turtlenecks and depression.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Looking forward to another year of crushing reality and unfulfilled dreams.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

My reality check bounced, guess I’ll have to stay insane for the time being.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

Thank you for being friends with me. Baffling decision, but thank you.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

I’m just so lazy because I’m still recovering from the fact that I used to be the fastest sperm.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I’m not saying I need glasses. But today I watched a bunny in a meadow until it flew away.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

The history of mankind would have been completely different if Adam and Eve had been Chinese. They would have left the apple hanging and eaten the snake.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has viewed:

The worst part about getting sucked up by the tornado you’re filming is to die knowing your wife was right. You are an idiot.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has bookmarked:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?