Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Sorry, darling, but you'll have to choose between pouty perfection and purrfection! 🐱💋 Who needs glossy lips when you have a fabulous feline to cuddle with? Meowvelous choice! 😹💄"

beauty, cat, choice, dilemma, glossy, glossy lip, humor, lip, lips, pet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

0

2 months ago

activity, brave, call, date, dentist, fun, fun activity, hand, hold, humor, i, idea, me, relationship, support, tell
I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

0

4 months ago

humor, i, leave, leg, me, parlor, prank, shaving, tattoo, tattoo parlor, trick
I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

1

2 months ago

behave, humor, i, ID, maybe, myself, procrastination, reflection, saw, self-control, self-image, thought, today, told, tomorrow
I love my bed so much, what a place.

0

2 months ago

bed, comfort, humor, i, love, much, place, relaxation
The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

0

2 months ago

baby, behavior, child, child behavior, every, formal, formal title, humor, name, parenting, title, toddler
I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

0

3 weeks ago

child, children, ed, family, humor, husband, multitasking, opinion, parenting, phone, pregnancy, run, scrolling, sex, sex ed, should, strong, taught, third, through, weeks, while, wild, woman

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

71 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They’re bluffing when they say you can still get knocked off the nice list this late in the game. Santa’s been delivering gifts in Japan for hours by now; that list is locked. Do whatever you want.

38 shares on TikTok this month:

Accidentally made eye contact with the sweets at the grocery store and now have to declare bankruptcy.

83 shares on Reddit this month:

When you decorate your whole house for Christmas, what you’re really saying is “I’m not going to dust for at least a month.”

57 shares on Reddit this month:

They expect me to work at work.

16 shares on Reddit this month:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

26 shares on Snapchat this month:

I only write when I am falling in love, or falling apart.

52 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Sorry for not keeping in touch. I literally have nothing to say.

68 shares on Discord this month:

Sane is boring.

47 shares on Facebook this month:

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

64 shares on Messenger this month:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

I bought a book on Feng Shui, but I don’t know where to put it.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Sometimes being alive feels like being a pornstar who is asexual.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Nothing worse than when I turn up to Park Run to find it is indeed going ahead.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has downloaded:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

One of the top features of squirrels, for me, has got to be that squirreliness.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Imagine if we had to worry about dinosaurs too, on top of everything else.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I was gonna kiss you under the blood moon eclipse, but whatever, bro.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

My wife screamed “you haven’t listened to a single word I’ve said, have you?!” I was taken aback, what a weird way to start a conversation.

Making waves on Instagram:

“I’ve tasted going back to an ex, and I’ve tasted trying to fix a relationship before it breaks. I highly recommend focusing on your career and going to sleep before 10 p.m.”

Just landed via Messenger:

Being liked at work comes with so many perks, you could be late as hell, and everyone is just happy to see you.

Seen just now on Slack:

Hey, people, my age. Remember going into the computer lab at school?

Just shared via Instagram:

If they don’t look at you like you’re magic, disappear like Houdini.

Just landed via Pinterest:

“You’re an athlete,” I whisper to myself, as I begin my third attempt to get out of the couch.

Just shared via WeChat:

My plumber asked me for a Google review. I said I thought it was a really good search engine and I’d give it 8/10.

Going bananas on X:

Apple juice tastes like it wants to be alcohol, but it’s too shy.

Trending via Snapchat:

Floppy disks are like Jesus. They died to become the icon of saving.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Date idea: you hold my hand while I call the dentist and you tell me I’m so brave.

I go to tattoo parlors and trick them into shaving my leg for me, and then leave.

I told myself I’d behave today. Then I saw my reflection and thought, maybe tomorrow.

I love my bed so much, what a place.

The toddler refers to every baby as Baby [Name], like Baby is their formal title.

I’m of the very strong opinion that sex ed should be taught by a woman 37 weeks into her third pregnancy, while her husband sits scrolling through his phone, and her other two children run wild.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨