You can have glossy lips or you can have a cat. You can’t have both.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I call my smoke detector Gordon Ramsay, because every time I cook it screams at me.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has downloaded:

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

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Tuah Kill a Hawkingbird

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Meetings are a wonderful way to help your employees take a break from being productive.

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Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

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I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

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McDonald’s only giving me 9 Chicken Nuggets instead of 10 is how my villain origin story began.

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If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

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I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

Some people spend a fortune so they can circle the world. I drink some beer and the world circles around me.