You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

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Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

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Who called it a shopaholic and not a boughtanist?

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Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

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I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

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Hot singles in your area! They don’t want to talk to you. But they’re there.

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Don’t ever let your computer feel that you’re in a hurry, cause they’re gonna slow down more.

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They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

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If swimming is such good exercise, explain whales.

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What substance do I have to abuse to stop yearning?

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I stopped understanding math when the alphabet decided to get involved.