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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

Can’t threaten me with screenshots. I’ll get a microphone and say it again.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Interviewer: Give an example of a difficult scenario and how you handled it. Me: I poured a bowl of cereal but had no milk, so I used ice cream.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

For my next trick, I’ll need a divorce lawyer.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has shared:

Think like a crazy person, and then you’ll understand.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Got too drunk in the Vietnamese restaurant last night, they said I can never go back. They banh mi.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has shared:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Nothing hurts more than someone not getting your joke.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,320

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

Note to self: just because it’s in the map app’s directions, doesn’t mean the road is paved.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

I’m actually quite nice. If I had friends, they’d all confirm that.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

Going viral on WeChat:

Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Just landed via Facebook:

Interviewer: Can I get you anything? Me: Yeah, a job!

Just landed via Slack:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Calling me ugly isn’t even an insult, because I know already.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Have an early flight tomorrow, so naturally I’m going to stay up late tonight and be weird in my room.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Twitter is like attaching a message to a balloon, hoping that the right person somehow finds and reads it.

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

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You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.
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Commentary:
"Who knew getting an education would come with a retirement plan! 🎓💸 Sounds like we deserve a diploma in financial planning too! 💼😆"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Threads this month:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

31 shares on Messenger this month:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

11 shares on Threads this month:

I feel like we’re all just angry and horny.

68 shares on Twitch this month:

You should tell different people completely different things about yourself so that they then get into arguments when gossiping about you.

86 shares on Threads this month:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

35 shares on Telegram this month:

Science can’t explain it, but some hairs can grow up to a quarter inch overnight. Never in a good spot though.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t drink blood to stay young. I do it mainly for the lifestyle.

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Willem Dafoe gets to be in two different Nosferatu movies, whereas the average person doesn’t even get to be in one.

92 shares on Threads this month:

Insane that you have to defend yourself at the end of the Ph. D.! Why are you attacking me? I’m so tired.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl math is crying for two hours and then realizing it wasn’t that deep.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Some days you feel like you’re surrounded by idiots, other days you realize it’s not just some days.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My greatest aspiration is to one day solve a murder on a train.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Tonight we shall read a passage from the old testicle.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I get it, drug commercials. I too like to dance while I describe all my side effects.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Getting my next boyfriend a flip phone. He doesn’t need anything more.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Girl who is still crazy: I was crazy back then.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Handing over my ID at the post office. The clerk said, “You’ve aged quite a bit since this photo was taken.” I said, “Yes, I had it taken just before I joined this queue.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,254

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Girlhood is taking hundreds of pictures only to post one or none at all.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Because of my looks, everyone only wants one thing from me, that I leave them alone.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Sorry for zoning out, bro. It’s just, I’ve been having a bad day for several years.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has downloaded:

No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I haven’t broken a mirror lately, but my water broke and I’ve had seven years of kids crawling into my bed.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

I hate small cars that disguise themselves as free parking spaces and drop their masks as soon as you pull up in front of them.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Instagram:

There’s no reason to be bored flying on an airplane. Use the time to tell the person next to you your entire life story.

Shared recently on X:

When I was a kid I would say I’m whatever age and a half because I wanted to be older. Now I say I turned 40 a few years ago.

Going viral on Telegram:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I’m really getting tired of being a responsible adult.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Y’all ever postpone an outfit? Like, nah, let me save this for a better day? Same.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Opening this app is like lighting a cigarette.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Ever since I was a kid, I always knew I wanted to live in a galaxy far, far away.

Spotted on Instagram:

People believe that they have brains but maybe that’s just inside their heads.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I put the dance in “Good riddance!”

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