Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
"Being a parent: where you trade self-criticism for endless judging from tiny humans who somehow still have no concept of personal space 🤪👶 #ParentingStruggles #NoPersonalBubble"

criticism, expectations, family, honesty, humor, just, kids, own, parenting, self-critique, think, wait, worst

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

0

2 months ago

argue, argument, CEO, debate, head, head of state, heads, humor, kitchen, media, online, online debate, only, place, sleep, sleeping, social, social media, state, states, Twitter, while
I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

0

2 months ago

again, bathroom, bathroom scale, battery, change, frustration, hate, honesty, humor, i, scale, telling, truth, weight
A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

0

2 months ago

bathrobe, being, clothing, comfort, deniability, humor, naked, pockets, relaxation
Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

0

2 months ago

beautiful, beauty, close, danger, dangerous, distance, dressed, metaphor, nature, people, personality, storm, storms, sunset, unpredictability
Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

0

2 months ago

adventure, bird, birds, close, cloud, days, drinking, eating, excuse, flew, humor, i, joke, message, rain, skydiving, sorry, stuck, survival, too
My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

0

2 months ago

advice, kid, kids, kindergarten, money, saving, start

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

10 shares on Snapchat this month:

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

Going to a concert with a tomato in each hand just to make the band nervous.

70 shares on Instagram this month:

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

If I was pregnant and people asked when I was due, I would say “What do you mean?”

37 shares on X this month:

Sorry, Mom, I can’t go outside, I’m ugly.

35 shares on WeChat this month:

A McRib killed my tapeworm.

13 shares on Telegram this month:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Despite all my rage, I still keep refreshing the page.

62 shares on Discord this month:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Does anyone know where I can find true love?

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

The only problem I have with chocolate is that one minute it’s there and the next it’s not.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

I hope Instagram is still active during the apocalypse, so the zombies can post pics of whose brains they’re currently eating.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has shared:

Either the tables are going to turn, or I’m going to flip them.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

You’re in his DMs, so am I, but I am way funnier.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’m opening a secret ice cream club called The Inside Scoop.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Ending my thesis paper with “but who cares what I think?”

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

You ever have your knees crack so good that you expect them to glow in the dark. Yeah, me too.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Going viral on Twitch:

Interesting people are my favorite endangered species.

Just landed via YouTube:

If people continue to behave so badly, I will donate my organs to an animal shelter.

Spotted on TikTok:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Most people who have found themselves are amazed to discover that there is nothing there at all.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Here’s the problem with fruit: it’s inconsistent. Some apples are delicious, some taste bad. Sometimes blueberries are great, sometimes they are disgusting. You know what’s the same every time? Doritos.

Just shared via Facebook:

The lion does not concern himself with Microsoft Teams.

Shared recently on Telegram:

People that never want to leave the house unite! Separately at our own homes.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Live now on Reddit:

I didn’t get the part of the brain that lets you relax, just the one that overthinks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

You think you’re your own worst critic? Just wait till you have kids.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Twitter is the only place you argue with CEOs and heads of states while sleeping in the kitchen.

I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

A bathrobe is being naked with plausible deniability and pockets.

Some people are storms dressed like sunsets. Beautiful from a distance. Dangerous up close.

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨