New funny coffee quotes

• Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

• I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

• I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

• Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

• My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

• Is it socially acceptable to wear pajamas all day if you’re constantly holding a coffee cup?

• Coffee doesn’t even work on me anymore. I just drink it because the taste tricks my brain into thinking I’m a functioning adult.

• Ordered a coffee, and the barista said, “Anything else?” and I almost said, “Stability.”

• How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

• When you’re a parent, your skincare routine is just the steam from the dishwasher when you open it to find the coffee cup you just needed.

Top funny coffee quotes

• There’s nothing scarier than sneezing with a full cup of coffee in your hand.

• There’s no reason my stomach should be growling, I just gave it some iced coffee.

• Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but that much caffeine can’t be good for you.

• I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

• I love convincing myself iced coffee counts as hydration and self-care.

• In the coffee shop, booing everyone who orders decaf.

• This coffee is not coffeeing the way I need it to be coffeeing.

• The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

• Coffee is better when you have no work.

Popular funny coffee quotes

• Anyone else get excited about going to bed because you know there’ll be coffee in the morning, or is that just me?

• Welcome to your 50s, where coffee is the new happy hour and mornings are the new hangover.

• Schedule your bikini wax for the first thing in the morning, and you won’t need that cup of coffee.

• Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

• First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

• Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

• Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

More funny coffee quotes

• The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

• Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

• How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

• Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

• Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

• Touch my butt, not my coffee.

• I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Witty coffee quotes

• Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

• My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

• My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

• My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

• Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

• “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

• I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

• Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

• I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

• If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

Funny coffee quotes remind us that while coffee can’t solve all our problems, it sure makes us care a lot less about them 😂. Whether it’s juggling too many cups 🥤, talking way too fast 🗣️, or fully believing that coffee is a personality trait 🤣, caffeine delivers endless comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that life before coffee is basically impossible 🙃. So grab your mug, savor the sip, and enjoy the wonderfully funny addiction that is coffee 🤪!