New funny coffee quotes

• Only in America can a kid wear $150 shoes, sip a $8 coffee, and post from a $1,200 phone about being oppressed and claiming capitalism has failed them.

• Checking my iced coffee rewards points like it’s my 401k.

• Now I get why my grandma got up early to have a little coffee by herself.

• First date idea: you bring me coffee in bed, and we snuggle all morning.

• Trying to bribe Monday with coffee to get it to act like a Friday.

• Every morning, the cat watches me make coffee and asks if we can go sit out on the balcony to watch the birds, and every morning I say, yes, of course, let’s.

• Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

• Do people still actually eat 3 meals a day, or do we all just survive off of stress and iced coffee?

• I’m a simple girl, really. I just want to watch the sunset, laugh, drink coffee, and read books. I also want a time machine and a pet dragon.

• The feminine urge to open a coffee shop that’s also a library, a bakery, and a flower shop.

Top funny coffee quotes

• Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

• How many cups of coffee is OK to have every day? Is it eight? I’m pretty sure it’s eight.

• Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

• Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

• Touch my butt, not my coffee.

• I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

• You ask a girl if she ate, and she gon say, “Yeah, I had my coffee.”

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

• Expecting your first baby’s exciting, but have you ever ordered a new coffee machine?

Popular funny coffee quotes

• My new coffee table book, “Accidental Screenshots,” is available for pre-order now.

• My morning coffee makes me feel like I’ve got my shit together. I don’t, but it makes me feel like I do.

• Unfortunately, free coffee in the office will never hit like a $9 iced latte will.

• “AI is coming for your job.” Yeah, I’d like to see AI drink 11 coffees, then have a panic attack.

• I’m feeling very anxious. I think this 7th mug of coffee will take the edge off.

• Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

• I hope the coffee hits harder than reality does.

• If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

• Your Starbucks order leads me to believe that you’re very difficult to deal with.

• The economy’s so tough, people out here eating grass — matcha.

More funny coffee quotes

• I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

• I don’t rise and shine. I caffeinate and hope.

• Coffee should be free for everyone Monday through Friday.

• That little stroll to the coffee maker makes me happy every morning.

• Calling ahead to the cafe to warn them to “get those beans brewing”.

• When people don’t drink coffee, it’s like, okay, but how do you solve the problem of being awake?

• A coffee the size of Manhattan please.

• Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

• I don’t need coffee, misanthropy fuels me.

• I like my men like I like my coffee. Not that hot but still making me anxious.

Witty coffee quotes

• I was feeling kinda lonely this morning so I glued a coffee cup to the top of my car so people would wave at me.

• Asking the waiter for her phone number and then texting her “can I have more coffee?” two minutes later.

• Oh, you drink black coffee? Tell your ulcer I said good morning.

• They say water is the source of life, which is true because you can’t make coffee without water.

• Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

• I like my coffee so strong that it wakes up the neighbors.

• Drink coffee, avoid idiots, read books and repeat.

• Coffee and more coffee is a perfect combo.

• Drinking coffee because throwing chairs at people is frowned upon.

• Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.”

Funny coffee quotes remind us that while coffee can’t solve all our problems, it sure makes us care a lot less about them 😂. Whether it’s juggling too many cups 🥤, talking way too fast 🗣️, or fully believing that coffee is a personality trait 🤣, caffeine delivers endless comedy. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that life before coffee is basically impossible 🙃. So grab your mug, savor the sip, and enjoy the wonderfully funny addiction that is coffee 🤪!