New funny online quotes

• SHEIN does entirely too much on their app. Feels like a freaking casino every time you open it.

• This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

• The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

• Wife bought something on FB Marketplace, but she’s afraid she’ll get kidnapped, so she sends me to pick it up from a guy whose wife sent him because she’s afraid to get kidnapped.

• Them: You post a lot. What am I supposed to do here – fold laundry on the timeline?

• Girls who leave clothing reviews with their height, weight, and size ordered are going to heaven.

• I consider the second page of Google results the dark web.

• I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

• Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

• Twitter is just a virtual mental hospital.

Top funny online quotes

• Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

• Walking that line between “The internet is great” and “The internet is a mistake” daily.

• We should make a new internet that’s as hard to use as the old internet was, so anyone that’s too stupid to have used the internet 20 years ago can’t get on it.

• “You’re an adult, maybe it’s time to stop fighting with people on the internet.”

• Staying up all night so I don’t miss any good posts.

• If you see me online, I’m not chatting. I’m busy ignoring the world and laughing at memes like it’s therapy.

• Do you ever stress about money, then accidentally order from Amazon?

• I think we should all try to spend more time online. It seems to be helping society.

• Imagine being social on social media.

• There are real people living amongst us who pay for Discord Nitro.

Popular funny online quotes

• Scrolling… good take… bad take… nothing take… cyberbullying… beautiful woman.

• Accidentally clicked a post about UFOs, and now my Facebook algorithm thinks I’m a much different person.

• Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

• Social media needs to crash for like a year so everybody can snap back into reality.

• Internet strangers offer the best advice.

• Is ChatGPT down for anyone else? I’m a cardiac surgeon in the middle of heart surgery.

• If at first you don’t succeed, the internet will let you know immediately.

• “Mom, how did we get so rich?” your father said, “Thanks, nothing from my end,” on thousands of important Zoom meetings.

• On the internet, you can be anything you want. It’s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.

• My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

More funny online quotes

• Say what you want about online meetings, but there are few things more liberating than attending a disciplinary hearing naked from the waist down.

• I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

• Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

• The collective noun for a group of reply guys is an audacity.

• Remember, guys, it costs zero dollars to be annoying to strangers on the internet.

• Pretty annoying when someone unfollows me before I can conduct their exit interview.

• My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

• If anyone is still on Facebook, please check on my parents.

• Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

• Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Witty online quotes

• If I say goodnight and an hour later you see me online, it’s not that I lied; it’s just that I failed.

• I’m a social media influencer in that I’ve influenced people to ignore me on social media.

• The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

• Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

• I spend all day on Facebook so that Mark Zuckerberg can eat.

• Ever since I was young, I knew I wanted to be online nonstop.

• Did you guys hear about the “internet”? Apparently, you can say literally anything there.

• Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

• Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

• The porn bots liking my posts from years ago is just reminding me that I’ve always been hilarious.

Funny online quotes remind us that the internet may be useful, but it’s also a never-ending comedy circus 🎪. Whether it’s falling into meme rabbit holes 🐇, sending texts you immediately regret 📩, or binge-watching videos you never planned to watch 📺, online life is packed with laugh-out-loud moments 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows they spend way too much time online — but wouldn’t have it any other way 🙃. So embrace the scrolling, laugh at the chaos, and enjoy the funny side of being online 🤪!