50+ Funny Online Quotes That Prove The Internet Is One Big Comedy Show

New funny online quotes

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  The more attention you get on this website, the less you enjoy being on it.

  Commentary:
  Ah, the classic social media paradox: more fame, more stress, and more need for caffeine! ☕📱😅

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  The real me comes out at midnight (it’s just me spending money online).

  Commentary:
  When the clock strikes midnight, my inner Cinderella trades the glass slipper for a credit card 💳🕛💸

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  Revenge? No. I just post hot selfies and let the algorithm do God’s work.

  Commentary:
  When life gives you lemons, turn up the heat and let the algorithm serve the lemonade! 🔥😎📱

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  I deleted Google when I met you because the search was over.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I need to uninstall Maps too, because I’ve already found where I want to be! 🚫🗺️💘

• 
  Porn is free, so why are you in my DMs?

  Commentary:
  Guess some people think DMs stand for “Desperate Messages” 😂📬

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  I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

  Commentary:
  Who knew my inner thoughts had such an enthusiastic fan club! 🤯😂✨

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  Twitter account so good even HR wants to see it.

  Commentary:
  Guess my tweets are now considered "professional development" material 😂📈 #HRGoals

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  I don’t argue with idiots on the Internet, I just keep scrolling and mind my own business.

  Commentary:
  Scrolling past drama like a pro 🧘‍♂️🖱️✨ No time for keyboard warriors here!

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  Can you imagine being a 7th grade girl and being able to see your crush’s bedroom during Zoom math class.

  Commentary:
  Who's paying attention to angles when we're all busy judging the crush's wall art choices? 🎨😂💻

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  Seems like the ‘how to use a fire extinguisher’ video on YouTube shouldn’t have a 30-second ad before it.

  Commentary:
  😂🔥 Adrenaline rush level 9000: Watching an ad while your popcorn catches fire! 🍿🚒

Top funny online quotes

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  I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

  Commentary:
  When I open my DMs and see all the messages, I put on my best Sherlock Holmes hat and solve the mystery: case closed, wrong number 😂🔍📵

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  Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

  Commentary:
  Spreading kindness online—because "Get off my lawn!" doesn't work over Wi-Fi! 😄🌐

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  Not to brag, but I don’t fight with people on the internet.

  Commentary:
  Achievement unlocked: Internet peacekeeper! 🕊️💻😂

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  Any porn site that allows comments is instantly funny because, like, why is that there.

  Commentary:
  Why, oh why, are folks out here pretending to be film critics? 🎬🍿😂

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  “I’m pretty good with money unless I leave my house or have access to the internet.”

  Commentary:
  Relatable! My bank account hides under the bed whenever I grab my keys or open my laptop! 💸😅🚪🖥️

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  If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

  Commentary:
  Guess I'll be deleting my high school photos in 2035! 😂🗑️📸

• 
  The websites that let me check out as a guest are the real heroes.

  Commentary:
  Guest checkout: the superhero of shopping! 🦸‍♂️🛒 No passwords, no problems! 🎉✨

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  It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.

  Commentary:
  When your soulmate is just a Wi-Fi connection and twelve time zones away 😂🌍💕

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  Ever since I was young, I wanted to check my email for a verification code.

  Commentary:
  This kid was really ahead of their time—dreaming of inboxes instead of ice cream trucks! 📧😄

• 
  If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

  Commentary:
  Poof! I'm out of here like my bad tweets. 🐦💨✌️

Popular funny online quotes

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  Welcome to Twitter, someone from an unhappy home will attend to you shortly.

  Commentary:
  Welcome to Twitter, where our customer service is powered by existential dread 😂📞💼

• 
  “You have reached your monthly article limit,” – a website you’ve never accessed before today.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like they're psychic… or just really stingy! 🔮😂

• 
  If you don’t have anything nice to say, sign up for Twitter.

  Commentary:
  Looks like I've been using Twitter all wrong—isn't it the world’s largest complaint department? 😅🐦 #KeyboardWarrior

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  I love when certain people post their dating app convos, and you get to see what a conversation between two really boring people looks like.

  Commentary:
  When two people with personalities like wallpaper come together, sparks don't fly — they just have a quiet meeting and agree to be dull. 😂🖼️💬

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  I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

  Commentary:
  Dream partner: must provide daily itinerary and surprise upgrades! 🛫🌎😂

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  Twitter is basically like a mental institution where everyone thinks they’re the sane one, and everybody else is crazy.

  Commentary:
  Navigating Twitter: where everyone holds the prestigious title of "Chief Sanity Officer" in the Asylum of Opinions 😂🤪 #CertifiedSane

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  I gave you a follow back, not a Tinder match, don’t “Hey, beautiful” me.

  Commentary:
  When you expect a friend request and get a marriage proposal instead 🤦‍♀️😂 #NotTinder 💬📵

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  I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

  Commentary:
  So you're surfing the Wi-Fi waves while I'm inventing quantum memes 🌐😂🚀

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  I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

  Commentary:
  Trying to be original on Twitter feels like trying to find a parking spot in a crowded lot—the space you thought was free is always taken 😂🚗💡

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  I’d rather throw everything I own in the trash than try to deal with people on Facebook Marketplace.

  Commentary:
  Sounds like the only thing more difficult than a Rubik's Cube solved by a squirrel! 🐿️🗑️

More funny online quotes

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  Viewing someone’s LinkedIn after they’ve viewed yours to assert dominance.

  Commentary:
  LinkedIn is the new Wild West where profile views are the ultimate showdown 🤠📈🔍

• 
  There are some websites where my password management strategy is to just hit “Forgot my password” every time I need to log in.

  Commentary:
  Relatable! My password memory upgrade is still buffering… 🔄😂🔐

• 
  Being drunk and liking every tweet without reading it.

  Commentary:
  When you wake up and realize you've liked every Shakespeare fan account by accident 🍷🤦‍♂️📱

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  Isn’t your email address beautifulgirl@mydreams.com?

  Commentary:
  Guess I’m still waiting for a reply from mydreams.com’s tech support! 😄📧💤

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  *Googles: How to fake your own death and erase existence before 9am Monday morning.

  Commentary:
  "Monday mornings got you feeling like you'd rather fake your own death than face the week ahead? 😅💻 Just remember, disappearing from existence might not be the most practical solution… but we totally get the impulse! Hang in there, friend. It's just another manic Monday! 🌞"

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  Is Craigslist still around, or did everyone over there get murdered?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, Craigslist – where you can find anything from a used couch to a potential murder scene 🪓. Who knows, maybe they're just really good at hiding the bodies now 💀🤷‍♂️ #CraigslistMystery"

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  I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

  Commentary:
  "Online shopping: the ultimate act of self-love wrapped in a package! 🎁💁‍♂️ Who needs a significant other when you can spoil yourself with surprise gifts any time you want? 💳💻 #TreatYourself"

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  Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

  Commentary:
  Thanks to my middle name, I'm officially "David Facebook Amazon Netflix Smith." Talk about an identity crisis! 😂📧🔍

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  The web is the only place where you encourage strangers to follow you. What could possibly go wrong?

  Commentary:
  "Ah, the thrilling realm of the web: a place where we willingly invite strangers into our digital lives… What could possibly go wrong? 🙈 Just remember, not all followers are created equal – choose wisely! 😂🌐 #StrangerDanger"

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  That awkward moment when you spend an hour online picking out a gift for your friend’s son’s birthday and Amazon tells you it’s been a year since you bought this item.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the joy of online shopping surprises! 🎁😅 It's like Amazon is reminding you, "Hey, time flies when you're hunting for the perfect gift!" ⏰🎉 Looks like you've just won the "Efficient Shopper of the Year" award! 🥇🎁🤣

Witty online quotes

• 
  My soulmate probably seen my posts and deleted me.

  Commentary:
  Looks like your soulmate hit the "unfriend" button instead of the "reply with love" one 😂💔 But hey, who needs soulmates when you've got memes, right? Keep those posts coming and maybe they'll come crawling back for more! 🤷‍♂️📱

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  The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

  Commentary:
  "Online shopping: where the struggle is real, but the sofa is comfy. 💳👜💻 #FirstWorldProblems"

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  It is easier to pass a camel through the eye of a needle than it is to convince somebody online that they are wrong.

  Commentary:
  Trying to change someone's mind on the internet? 🐪 Good luck, you might have better odds getting that camel through a needle! 🪡😅 #OnlineDebates #MissionImpossible

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  This is my emotional support online shopping cart.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs therapy when you've got an overflowing online shopping cart ready to swoop in and lift your mood? 💳🛒 Retail therapy, anyone? 😅 #ShoppingHeals"

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  Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

  Commentary:
  "Twitter: Where sharing a slice of pizza could start a virtual war 🍕🔥 Who knew a simple photo could stir up so much controversy? Just remember, in the Twitterverse, even the cheesiest topics can be taken oh-so-seriously!"

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  Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

  Commentary:
  "Stepping into the digital world after a long hiatus like a wise hermit emerging from the mountains! 🏔️🧘‍♂️ Time offline is like a reset button for our priorities… and a chance to catch up on all those cat videos! 🐱💻 #BackToReality #OnlineButNotOverwhelmed"

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  You know you’re getting old when you’re entering your birth year online and you need to spin that thing like you’re on wheel of fortune.

  Commentary:
  Oh, the iconic spin move! 🎰 Age truly shows its flair when entering a birth year becomes a game of luck and skill. 😂 Are you feeling like a contestant on the Wheel of Birth Years? Time to spin that dial and hope for a jackpot of wisdom and experience! 🧙‍♂️🦉

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  I hate that Al has now caused me to question the authenticity of cute animal videos online. I don’t even know if this baby penguin actually wore a beret to go buy a tiny baguette in Paris.

  Commentary:
  When even penguins are trendier than me with their tiny baguettes, I start questioning my life choices 🐧🥖😆

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  Tinder is a food delivery app if you’re good at it.

  Commentary:
  "Swipe right for that delicious meal! 🍔🔥 Who needs takeout when you can find your perfect match and have them deliver food to your heart (and stomach) with just a tap? Bon appétit and happy swiping! 📱❤️"

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  Don’t think of it as losing followers, think of it as frustrating bots to the point they go away.

  Commentary:
  "Who needs followers when you can just annoy bots until they throw in the towel and hit the digital road? 🤖👋 #BotBusting"