50+ Funny Shopping Quotes That Prove Retail Therapy Is A Real Comedy Show

New funny shopping quotes

• My favorite emails are the ones that say your order has shipped.

• Life is so boring when you don’t have a package on the way.

• Girl math is avoiding shipping costs by buying more.

• My hobbies include adding things to my cart, and never buying them.

• If you respond, “A reason for living,” when a store employee asks if they can help you find something, they will leave you alone.

• I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

• My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

• I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

• Women swear they be broke… Then, all of a sudden, here comes that Shein delivery.

Top funny shopping quotes

• Shall I cook, clean, or do the grocery shopping? Okay, reading it is.

• Grocery stores should have baskets in the middle of the store for those “I really overestimated how much I can carry” moments.

• I was sad, but then I ordered some new clothes. I’m okay now.

• You ever feel awkward in Target, cause you know you belong at Walmart.

• Me, having zero balance in my account, viewing houses worth 10 million, and being like, “No, I don’t like the kitchen.”

• There should be significant punishments for people at the grocery store with no spatial awareness.

• The Slow and the Furious: me navigating a shopping cart through a grocery store filled with morons.

• When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

• Being an adult is getting excited about buying new appliances.

• I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

Popular funny shopping quotes

• “Treat yourself. You deserve it,” she says while adding the shoes to her cart.

• Farmers markets should be for vegetables — not for millennials unloading their failed Etsy-store arts and crafts.

• I can’t wait to get married so I can bring home unnecessary stuff and get yelled at for it.

• Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

• Being a woman is hard. You always want to buy something, slap someone, lose weight and eat something sweet.

• When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

• There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

• And what do we do when we are sad? “Add to cart”

• A lot of people think you need a lot of money to buy clothes. And they’re right.

• Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

More funny shopping quotes

• It took three employees to help me complete “self-checkout” yesterday.

• I don’t know who needs to hear this, but you don’t need anything from Amazon today.

• I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

• Bitcoin is just Kohl’s Cash for boys.

• Grocery shopping while hungry feels like online shopping while drunk.

• I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

• Shopping is the only exercise I need.

• The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

• That awkward shopping moment when someone is standing in front of the items you need and you pretend you’re shopping for something else because they just won’t budge.

• Online shopping gives me a reason to live for another 3-5 business days.

Witty shopping quotes

• I like online shopping and putting everything I want in a cart, then checking my subtotal and laughing and closing the tab.

• Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

• I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again.

• The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

• It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

• I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

• My superpower is always picking the line at the grocery store that moves the slowest.

• Nothing refreshes my memory of what I need at the grocery store like coming home from the grocery store.

• My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

• Shopping at the dollar store makes me feel rich and poor all at the same time.

Funny shopping quotes remind us that while spending money can feel great 💳, it often comes with a side of hilarious buyer’s remorse 😂. Whether it’s buying things you don’t need 🧦, pretending “it was on sale” is a solid excuse 🎯, or swearing you’ll stick to the list (and never do) 🙃, shopping is pure comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever walked into a store for one thing and walked out with ten. So embrace the splurges, laugh at the receipts, and enjoy the comedy of shopping 🤪!