New funny thought quotes

• Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

• “I thought it might be nice to go round the room and say a bit about ourselves.” Oh dear, you thought wrong.

• Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

• I thought my friends in their 60s were making love in the other room but they were just putting on their socks.

• When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

• I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

• Start each day with a positive thought, like: “I can go back to bed in just 17 short hours.”

• If I got a Dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.

• Yesterday my husband thought he saw a cockroach in the kitchen. He sprayed and cleaned everything thoroughly. Today I’m putting the cockroach in the bathroom.

• Аbsolutely crazy to thіnk that Leonardo DіCaprіo’s future gіrlfrіend іs currently nervous for her fіrst day of kіndergarten.

Top funny thought quotes

• Sure, I could keep my thoughts to myself but I can’t see “Likes” in my journal.

• Where do cicadas go when they’re not screaming? I’d like to go there and scream.

• You ever tried driving the speed limit and thought, “They can’t be serious.”

• Sometimes I’m grateful that thoughts don’t appear as bubbles over our heads.

• Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

• I have thought one billion times about everything.

• I was about to stop overthinking, then I thought of a giraffe having a sore throat.

• I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

• I get jealous when I find someone playing a song I thought only I knew.

• Thought getting captured by cannibals would be terrifying, but they’re actually feeding me really well.

Popular funny thought quotes

• Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

• Perks of being a girl: You can think about whatever you want in public without worrying about boners.

• “I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

• (Flirting) What’s every single thing you’ve ever thought?

• Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

• Kinda miss being a child and wondering why the moon follows me.

• Thinking of starting a religion around cheese.

• I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

• Do you ever find yourself just thinkin’ about bread?

• I’m so lucky people can’t hear what I’m thinking.

More funny thought quotes

• I thought being an adult meant cake for breakfast, not budgeting for therapy.

• I love posting my thoughts on the internet. Now they’re your problem.

• The first time I heard “big naturals,” I thought it referred to major outdoor landmarks such as the Grand Canyon or the Great Barrier Reef.

• I caught your husband cheating on you at an Alanis concert, and thought you, you, you oughta know.

• It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

• I’m an atheist, so if you send prayers, I’ll send thoughts.

• An escape room, but it’s just your thoughts. Good luck.

• When I was a kid, I thought cicadas were the sound sunshine makes when it’s real hot outside.

• I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

• When life gives you lemons, take the lemons. They were a gift. Maybe life thought you liked lemons. Did you think about that? No, you’re always thinking about yourself.

Witty thought quotes

• If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

• I thought I had more straws. Sorry, turns out that was the last one.

• Just once, I’d love to underthink a situation.

• I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

• When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

• Being a millennial means finding out you can’t afford to live in that apartment complex you thought was really shady when you were a kid.

• I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

• I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

• People who pee in the shower, have you thought about peeing before you get in the shower?

• “I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Funny thought quotes remind us that while thinking is essential 🧠, our brains often take the scenic (and ridiculous) route 😂. Whether it’s sudden embarrassing flashbacks 🤦‍♂️, odd daydreams ☁️, or completely pointless deep thoughts 🤔, our minds constantly keep us entertained. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that half their thoughts make no sense — and that’s exactly why they’re funny 🤣. So embrace the randomness, laugh at the nonsense, and enjoy the comedy show happening inside your head 🤪!