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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t care if my parents are disappointed in me, I’m not impressed by them either.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Cashews are my favorite because they’re salty and hunched over just like me.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I don’t want to party like it’s 1999, I want to go grocery shopping like it is.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has downloaded:

I stopped adding “Let me know if you have any more questions!” to my emails because don’t email me again.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Nobody at this train station knows that there’s a hole in my sock.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

I was walking near a construction site today and heard the foreman yell, “You’re doing a good job!” I know that was meant for me.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

I’m glad the makers removed all the unnecessary sex scenes from my life, so I can focus on character development.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,400

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I understand why deer run in front of cars.

Live now on Discord:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Going viral on WeChat:

A political guy who supports communism because he hates applying for jobs and just wants to be assigned somewhere.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I may join the cicadas this summer and just scream for six weeks straight.

Spotted on X:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

Breaking via X:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Seen just now on Pinterest:

“Stalking”. God forbid I have access to public information and know how to utilize my resources.

Just landed via Discord:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

Why are “hemorrhoids” not called “assteroids”?

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Funny quote about Friday mood, comparing oneself to an unreliable McDonald's ice-cream machine.
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Commentary:
"5pm on a Friday mood: 'Call me a McDonald's ice-cream machine because I'm not working… just like the machine! 🍦😂 Who else is ready for some chill time?"

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m just a crazy person looking for a crazy person who finds me completely normal.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

I’ve decided that I’m going to underthink today.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Instead of working on making myself a better person, I am going to purchase a cool new jacket.

74 shares on X this month:

I wanna be a villain so I can just saunter everywhere. The heroes are always sprinting, always running. You ever seen Darth Vader run? Hell no. And I ain’t about to either.

75 shares on TikTok this month:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

98 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

16 shares on Instagram this month:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

37 shares on Snapchat this month:

Think I’ll get high enough to find out if there’s a God. Stay tuned.

44 shares on TikTok this month:

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

20 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m always in a rush to go home, and do absolutely nothing.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Employees should have to take their boss’s last name.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I went for a walk with a girl, she noticed me, so we went for a run.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing I do for money is passion-based. It’s just pure hatred for being broke.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

That awkward moment, when all eyes are on the bride, but your son is the groom.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here playing with my arm fat.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I do random acts of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,637

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Who would have thought that eating a can of beans would backfire like this?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

You know the nap is good when it left you marks.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

My ducks are not even remotely in a row. My ducks are in places no duck has ever gone before.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

I think it’s healthy to be a little horny at all times.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

If he has other girls who make him smile, be different and make him cry.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not having a midlife crisis, you’re just awake.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve never found a “Remember Me” checkbox that works. Nothing remembers me.

Spreading quickly via X:

Some people believe the appendix is a vestigial organ, that its use has long since passed. I think it’s primordial. Its use has yet to come.

Spreading quickly via X:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Spotted on Facebook:

That uncle or aunt who kept their distance from the rest of the family will start making more sense as you get older.

Just landed via Twitch:

Turns out “YouTube rabbit hole” is not a reliable science degree.

Live now on TikTok:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Going viral on Discord:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

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