Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • I’m writing a book of obitchuaries for all the people who are dead to me.
  • She calls me Anthony Bourdain because I eat her parts unknown, no reservations.
  • I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.
  • That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said.
  • Maybe your soulmate’s just late, like, wildly behind schedule.
  • I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.