The 10 minutes I spend on my mobile before I go to sleep are the best 3 hours of my day.

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It’s freezing cold outside and my polar bear won’t start.

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One of the weirdest things about being an adult is having a favorite stove top burner. No one ever talks about it, but y’all know it’s true.

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“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

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Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

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I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

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My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

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In six days God created heaven and earth. On the seventh day, in the interests of balance, the BBC interviewed Satan.

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My fitness goal is to lose two straight jacket sizes.

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I am single, please disturb me!

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Tired of being the responsible adult. When can I become the irresponsible adult?