With certain people, you get nauseous just hearing their name.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

Date night idea: fight another couple.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

The only team building exercise we had when I started working was called “Happy Hour.”

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know I seem a little crazy sometimes, but that’s because I AM.

89 shares on Messenger this month:

Halloween candy isn’t bad for you if you keep it in a salad bowl.

28 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you’re ever wondering what to do in an uncomfortable situation, just think “What would teenage me do?” And then do the opposite of that.

90 shares on YouTube this month:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

James Bond really accurately predicted that the biggest threat to life on Earth is super-rich businessmen, whose money didn’t make them happy, and now their hobby is destroying the world.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

Instead of renting an apartment, I’m going to save up for a lighthouse and go insane in it.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

As long as I’m alive, I can begin again and again and again, again and again and again, again and again and again.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m experimenting with how many apples I need to eat a day to keep everyone away, whatever their profession.