Someone from has downloaded:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from has bookmarked:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Someone from has viewed:

Your honor, I was in my villain era at the time of those incidents.

Someone from has bookmarked:

As a Dad, you always want your kids to be prepared for real life, that’s why trolling them is so vital.

Someone from has viewed:

That “meeting canceled” ping is a gift from the Gods.

Someone from has copied:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Someone from has copied:

Naps are tricky. Either you wake up relaxed and refreshed, or you have a headache, a dry throat and no idea what year it is.

Someone from has downloaded:

If you ever see me running, it’s either away from my problems or towards an ice cream van.

Someone from has copied:

When I say I’m saving myself for marriage, what I mean is you won’t know how annoying I am until it’s too late.

Someone from has downloaded:

Told someone I’m as “single as a pringle and as neato as a dorito” and they blocked me immediately.