I’ve finally found out what chronology is. And it’s about time.

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That awkward moment between birth and death.

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Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

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Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

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My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

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People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

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You couldn’t pay me to do this year again.

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Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

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Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

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Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

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Ironically jogging pants are mostly worn by the laziest people.