Managers want a week of silence and meditation in order to be even more of a manager afterwards.

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I just start doing the Macarena when I want to end conversations now.

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Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

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When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

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In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

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Please do not test me. I’ve been saving up my rage like PTO.

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Today, I want to talk about underperforming continents. Antarctica, explain yourself.

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Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

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I’m terrified of escalators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

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My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

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When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.