It goes like this: You are born and then you basically do almost everything wrong. Then you die.

Someone from has downloaded:

One of the most embarrassing things in the world: walking downhill.

Someone from has bookmarked:

My youngest had a mandatory drugs and alcohol lecture today at school, and he still can’t mix a proper drink.

Someone from has copied:

I’m forming a Wham! cover band with 3 other bald guys called Hairless Whisper.

Someone from has bookmarked:

I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

Someone from has viewed:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Someone from has bookmarked:

My hobbies include sleeping and feeling like I’ve never slept.

Someone from has shared:

Do you think I’ll read a book again at some point or will I continue to dumb myself down with 12 hours of screen time?

Someone from has viewed:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from has bookmarked:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Someone from has copied:

You don’t have to write every day to be a writer! You just have to feel guilty every day that you don’t.