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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

I wasn’t feeling well so I googled my symptoms. I either have allergies or I died two days ago.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I need to stop living by the words “life is short.” It’s hurting my bank account.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has shared:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

I’m so hungry, I could eat a full-time job with health insurance.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Actually, men should take the pill. It makes more sense to unload the gun than to shoot at a bulletproof vest.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

You need a twins name suggestion? How about Kate and DupliKate?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

Cleaned the bathroom window. Wasn’t frosted glass at all.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2435 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,597

Funny Quotes Topics

15,266

Funny Quotes Images

12,597

2 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Live now on Twitch:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Just landed via Telegram:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

Making waves on Instagram:

I think something is so beautifully wrong with you.

Going viral on Facebook:

Being the introverted hopeless romantic with a high sex drive is a curse.

Just shared via Instagram:

I hate how l am a “I have an appointment at 4pm so I can’t do anything all day” type of person.

Just shared via Discord:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Just landed via Threads:

Follow your heart, but take your brain with you.

Reported on YouTube:

I’ve realized that some people don’t like me, but I’ve also realized that I don’t give a shit.

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Jan 28, 2025

First date idea: I lean in close and surprise you with a wet willy.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, if your goal is to make a lasting impression, giving a wet willy might just do the trick! 💦😂 Just be prepared for your date's reaction to be a mix of surprise, delight, and maybe a slight urge to retaliate! 👉👂 But hey, who said first dates have to be conventional, right? 🤷‍♂️🤪

close, date, first date, funny idea, humor, i, idea, lean, playful, surprise, wet, wet willy, willy

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2435 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,597

Funny Quotes Topics

15,266

Funny Quotes Images

12,597

2 minutes ago

3,462

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

People who take naps are the real heroes. It takes courage to wake up twice in one day.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I tried to clean up my Chrome tabs but it turns out all 200 of them contain information that is vital for my survival.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has shared:

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has bookmarked:

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has copied:

Pet owners be like “this is my pet Snoopy, but their nicknames are Booboo and Thicky Boy!”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

Today, I’m going to give it my almost.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

The perfect number of cats is two stupid cats. Preferably siblings. But they can’t both be the same type of stupid. One needs to be stupid (dumb) and one needs to be stupid (annoying).

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I only use ‘sir’ disrespectfully.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Just shared via X:

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Are we all getting a front-row seat to the end times, or what?

Live now on LinkedIn:

Convinced my kid her harmonica didn’t work because the instructions were missing.

Just landed via YouTube:

I fractured my laziness and dislocated my interest.

Just landed via Discord:

This meeting could have been a push down the stairs.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

Trending via Facebook:

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Spotted on Messenger:

I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

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