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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

I’m writing a fairytale about a printer that just works.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has bookmarked:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

No revenge, because I don’t even remember what happened.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Due to inflation, alien abduction no longer comes with free probes. Humans are required to bring their own probes or may purchase a probe on board the spacecraft for a moderate fee.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

I could never abuse substances, they mean a lot to me.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has shared:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here hating myself.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

718 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,880

Funny Quotes Topics

13,862

Funny Quotes Images

10,880

Updated

37 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Asserting dominance by starting all my private DMs with “I hope this DM finds you well.

Spotted on Discord:

I’m an optimist and i understand how annoying that is.

Reported on Facebook:

I knew I had issues when motivational speakers started to irritate me.

Making waves on Discord:

My spirit animal is chasing his own tail.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Women do not snore. The sound they make at night is just the rewinding of the vocal cords.

Just landed via Reddit:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Making waves on Telegram:

Any jar is a swear jar when the lid won’t open.

Spotted on YouTube:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Porn actresses envy the look on my face when I clean my ear with a cotton bud.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.
I hate Valentine’s Day but I do enjoy infant archery.
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Commentary:
Ah, a true cupid of unconventional tastes! 💘🏹 Who needs arrows when you have baby Cupids with their tiny bows, aiming for hearts with pinpoint accuracy? 😄 Those Valentine's Day shenanigans have got nothing on you and your unique approach to romance! 😉 #CupidJunior

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

718 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,880

Funny Quotes Topics

13,862

Funny Quotes Images

10,880

Updated

37 minutes ago

Users Online

3,419

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

The one thing I’ve never had in my car’s glove box is a pair of gloves.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

He probably could have just called himself “Andre.” I think I would have figured out The Giant part on my own.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Food is like sex: When you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

In my 20’s: why is eating healthy such a big deal anyways. In my 40’s: oh.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Flex on strangers by asking them if they remember you.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

I don’t just hold a grudge; I love it, pet it, feed it and take it for long walks on the beach.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Going viral on YouTube:

Thunder is fake. It doesn’t even sync up properly with lightning. There’s some guy who waits till he sees lightning and then he presses the thunder button.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Spotted on Facebook:

My real introduction to classical music came from watching Tom & Jerry cartoons as a kid. Also how I got into sadism.

Live now on Slack:

Having Twitter is just like reading the newspaper, except the newspaper is on fire and all the writers hate you.

Just shared via TikTok:

You’re the ‘S’ to my ‘HTTP’; without you, I’m just a bad connection!

Going viral on TikTok:

Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

Going viral on Snapchat:

It’s so peaceful when you have no interest in other people’s business.

Reported on Facebook:

Jesus died for your sins. If you don’t sin then he died for nothing!

Just landed via Discord:

I’m so broke, I owe myself money.

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