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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Whoever said “out of sight, out of mind” never had a spider disappear inside their tent.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

The streets are not for me. I belong in an enchanted forest, eating berries, and talking to my animal friends.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

I have three full closets of nothing to wear.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I just sneezed and farted at the same time. I think my body just took a screenshot.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

I hope the babies I was born with at the hospital are doing good.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I hate to brag but I excel at my faults.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

Vacation is a time when every part of you can relax except your bowels.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

783 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,945

Funny Quotes Topics

13,916

Funny Quotes Images

10,945

Updated

10 minutes ago

Users Online

3,434

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

Reported on Discord:

I have feelings for you but you have to guess which ones.

Making waves on WeChat:

Boss: Why do I have to always come and find you? Me: Because a good employee is hard to find.

Just landed via Twitch:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40s. Your eyes are now like a camera someone doesn’t know how to focus.

Just shared via Messenger:

Live, laugh, lie to the doctor about how many drinks you have per week.

Trending via Messenger:

If I were Juliet, I would NOT be pleased to find a man standing under my balcony at midnight. Sir, I am in my jim-jams.

Seen just now on Threads:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Spotted on Threads:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

3 weeks ago

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Commentary:
"That's certainly one way to skip the 9-to-5 grind! 😂👶🚫 #LifeHack"

being, born, employed, employment, existential, humor, humor quote, i, job, life, recommend, sarcasm, unemployed, unemployment, work

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

You can’t boss me around. You’re not my bladder.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

If kids these days had a perfume, it would be called Audacity.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

From now on, every time I think I’m hating too much, I will think of Kendrick and realize I’m not hating to my full potential.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and I don’t want to see you every day.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

No longer chasing dreams. If they want me, they know where I nap.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

Got out of jury duty yesterday by confessing to the crime.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Someone from 🇹🇳 has downloaded:

Haggis – the meal you have to stomach twice.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

I’m not good with plants or people, but I am good with books and buffets.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

Making waves on Telegram:

Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels.

Just shared via Slack:

I bet aliens lock their door when they go past earth.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Live now on WeChat:

I suck at flirting. I’ll be like “is that so?”

Shared recently on Slack:

“You handled that with such grace” are words that have never been spoken to me.

Spotted on X:

I’m still trying to dig myself out my ringtone debt from the late 90’s.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Making waves on WeChat:

If anyone wants to contact me, from now on I can only be reached via my bank account.

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I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

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Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Remember when we were kids and did everything we could to grow up? We were so stupid!

I’m sorry you had a bad experience at our restaurant. To make it up to you, here is a coupon for more of our terrible, terrible food.

If camera lenses are round, why are the pictures square?

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

Can’t wait to put up holiday lights so life can be equally crappy but festively so.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

It’s quite ironic that “strap on,” backwards, spells “no parts.”

Maybe, deep in its code, ChatGPT dreams of being a sentient Game Boy resting by the shore—no updates, no inputs, just the tide.

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Don’t tell me about your wild weekend. My TV remote died and I switched the batteries around, and now it’s working.

If you’re wondering how motherhood is going, I’m watching a TV show and someone is in traction with a full body cast and I sighed and said “That looks so relaxing”

Went to HR to complain about my coworkers but my mom said she can’t fire my kids.

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

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I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

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