New funny sarcasm quotes

• Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

• Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

• Life is like a helicopter. I don’t know how to operate a helicopter.

• Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

• I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

• Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

• Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

• I never argue, I just explain why I’m right.

• I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

• I’m tired of adding ‘LOL’ to the end of my texts for sensitive people.

Top funny sarcasm quotes

• I don’t hate you. I just don’t like that you exist.

• Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

• Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

• If she replies to your sarcasm with more sarcasm, that’s a whole life.

• If you’ve seen one shopping centre, you’ve seen a mall.

• I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

• I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

• To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people!

• Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright.

• Throwing someone under the bus sounds hard, let’s just sell ’em down the river and call it a day.

Popular funny sarcasm quotes

• I was once told that if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all. Due to this, I’ve been observing a vow of silence since 1997.

• Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

• All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

• I dunno how to flirt but I can insult you so nicely.

• Hmm, that’s a bit too harsh. Let me put “lol” at the end of it.

• I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that you’re an expert on my life and how I should live it! Please continue while I take notes.

• Be yourself cause no one wants to be like you!

• Treat me like a joke and I’ll leave you like it’s funny.

• I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

• When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

More funny sarcasm quotes

• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

• Men be like, yes, I hurt you, but now you hate me, so I am the true victim.

• What’s wrong, babe? You’ve hardly touched my mixed signals.

• I love the smell of freshly brewed delusions in the morning.

• I don’t argue anymore. I just agree and let the plot unfold.

• The female rage of having so much to say but refusing to say it, cause their emotional intelligence is too low for them to comprehend it.

• Sorry, I can’t tonight. I’m busy taking things personally.

• I’m an ethical hater. My hate towards you is informed, balanced, and deeply nuanced.

• I love when people say, “It is what it is,” like they just discovered stoicism.

• Dating someone from Twitter is like believing a stripper loves you.

Witty sarcasm quotes

• If there are parallel realities, I really hope they’re not as stupid as this one.

• Tired of my landlord depending on my rent. Bro, get a job.

• “Life is a marathon, not a sprint.” Cool, I dislike both of those things.

• To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

• I don’t really do one-night stands, but I will do, like, 3-8 months of a semi-toxic, undefined relationship that wastes my time and ruins my life.

• If you find me offensive, then I suggest you quit finding me.

• I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

• “Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

• I would like to thank everyone who destroyed me into the person I am today.

• Please have a seat and witness my self-destruction firsthand.

Funny sarcasm quotes remind us that sometimes the best way to handle nonsense is with a perfectly delivered zinger 🥊. From biting one-liners 🗣️ to subtle digs 👀, sarcasm turns frustration into comedy gold 🎭. These quotes are ideal for anyone who’s mastered the art of the sassy comeback 🤪 or just appreciates a good dose of dry humor 😂. So keep the wit sharp, the comebacks ready, and always remember: if you can’t say something nice, say it sarcastically 😎.