New funny want quotes

• I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

• Girls want a bad boy to fix. Boys want a good girl to corrupt. Me? I just want a rumbustious monkey as a butler.

• Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

• People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

• I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

• Sometimes I want to go back in time and punch myself in the face.

• Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!

• King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

• I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

• I’m not asking for a lot, I just want someone down to earth that’s gonna touch me all over like my shower curtain does.

Top funny want quotes

• I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

• “Well at least I don’t have to wake up any more.” Is what I want my tombstone to say.

• As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

• I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

• It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

• When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

• I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

• Forget tagging friends, I want to be able to tag my enemies.

• If you want to impress me with your car, it better be a food truck.

• If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

Popular funny want quotes

• I want the job where I push scared skydivers out of planes.

• I don’t want to brag or anything, but I can still fit in the earrings I wore in high school.

• Might make a living will because I don’t want my family deciding whether to pull the plug. My dad has a long history of being against wasting electricity.

• I want a hot body, but I also want hot wings.

• Some people can eat anything they want and stay slim. I put on weight just by reading the recipe.

• I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

• Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

• I want to be so rich that when I see a spider in my house I won’t kill it, I’d buy another house.

• Apparently “ew no” is not an acceptable way to tell my boss I don’t want more responsibility at work.

• No more bare minimum, I want the moon and the stars. Maybe even a planet at this point.

More funny want quotes

• The first bowl of cereal makes you want a second, but the second makes you wish you stopped at the first.

• Today, I want to talk about how people’s houses smell funny, but mine doesn’t.

• It’s perfectly normal if you want to watch an actor’s entire filmography because you find them attractive. Don’t let anyone stop you.

• Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

• I want a man to love me so bad his entire family thinks I did witchcraft on him.

• All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

• Oh, to live in an apartment alone and do whatever I want.

• 80% of Americans just want to put on sunglasses and say, ‘Let’s do this.’

• I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

• My laundry is done, but I don’t even want it anymore. The washing machine can keep it.

Witty want quotes

• Does anyone want to fall in love and split rent with me?

• Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

• It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

• I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

• Hear me out: a streaming service that doesn’t keep increasing their prices and actually has movies you want to watch.

• Who develops the algorithm? I want to speak to the manager.

• If you want to feel really bad about yourself, just start dating.

• I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

• My DMs are always open if you want to talk to yourself.

• Want to come over and lay around naked, eating grapes like we’re in a Renaissance painting.

Funny want quotes remind us that wanting something doesn’t always mean we need it — but it sure makes for a good laugh 😂. Whether it’s craving pizza 🍕 after vowing to eat healthy 🥗, or wanting a vacation 🌴 while already planning the next one 🧳, our desires keep life entertaining. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever thought “I want it all!” 🙃. So keep dreaming, keep laughing, and enjoy the never-ending comedy of wanting what you probably don’t need 🤣!