New funny sleep quotes

• Yawning is the body’s way of telling you it has only 15% battery remaining.

• I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

• You know what part I love about waking up? None of it. Let me sleep!

• Just flipped my mattress, should have woken up my wife first.

• Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

• The only fantasy I have in the bedroom these days is getting 8 hours of sleep.

• Just knowing that I have to get out of bed tomorrow is already annoying and it’s not even dark yet.

• Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

• Pretty sure I need to go back to bed and sleep for 3 days.

• “Beauty sleep” is bullshit. I sleep 14 hours a day and still look like trash.

Top funny sleep quotes

• Blackout curtains because I’ll decide what time it is.

• In a parallel universe, I go to bed early and wake up fresh and unstoppable.

• All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

• My biggest motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is knowing that I will eventually be able to get back in the bed.

• Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

• I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

• I love being a girly girl and going to sleep all moisturized, juicy, and soft. Lip balm on. Layering on scents just to beauty rest.

• The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

• Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

• I used to be a night owl, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve become more of a person who doesn’t function at any time.

Popular funny sleep quotes

• Sometimes you just need a Saturday to sleep all day and do absolutely nothing.

• Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

• Evenings after work finish too quickly, one meal, one show, and it’s already tomorrow morning.

• Never underestimate the healing power of having your bed to yourself.

• Are you ever so happy to be in bed, you wish you could be even more in bed than you already are?

• An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

• My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

• God ate when he created sleep, what a beautiful concept.

• You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

• I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

More funny sleep quotes

• Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

• My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

• My favourite thing about waking up at ridiculous o’clock is the solitude.

• Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

• They should invent a type of sleeping where you wake up feeling rested.

• Life tip: if nothing goes right, go to sleep.

• Getting into male-dominated fields like falling asleep on the couch.

• Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

• I’m the type of person to go back to sleep and try to finish a dream.

• “I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

Witty sleep quotes

• Reading a book is nice, but reading a book in the middle of the night when everyone is asleep is even better, it’s therapeutic.

• I’m always a little mean to men because, if you treat them like humans, they think you wanna sleep with them.

• In search of someone who loves me as much as I love my snooze button.

• Blackout curtains are dangerous, because it’s 1 p.m. outside and 1 a.m. in here.

• My spirit animal is a sloth on its fourth nap of the day!

• My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

• People who think naps are a waste of time obviously don’t understand how naps work.

• Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

• Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

• Let’s ruin each other’s sleep schedules and call it romance.

Funny sleep quotes remind us that no matter how much we sleep, it’s never quite enough 😩. From binge-watching too late 📺 to snoozing the alarm for the fifth time ⏰, our sleep patterns are full of comedy gold 😂. These quotes are perfect for anyone who loves sleep as much as they love to complain about not getting enough of it 💤. So snuggle in, embrace the naps, and keep laughing at the daily struggle of chasing perfect rest 😆!