New funny money quotes

• They say money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.

• The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

• I am one step away from being rich, all I need now is money.

• Job applications are so stupid. “What’s your desired salary?” Ten billion dollars. Next question.

• Why spend like $300 Dollars on a pair of shoes? Do you know how many chicken nuggets you can buy with that money?

• Can you put some pants on my voodoo doll and pop some money in the pocket, please?

• I won $6 on a scratch-off last night. Out of my way, peasants!

• My favorite color is money.

• Why is it called “free time” when I use it to spend all my money?

• Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

Top funny money quotes

• If only my bank balance was as high as my daily calorie intake.

• I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

• I don’t understand people who say “I don’t know how to thank you.” Like they never heard of money.

• Them: Money doesn’t bring happiness. Me: Pass the money over here, I like to be sad.

• I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

• Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need most.

• So tired of looking in my wallet and not finding $10,000

• Is everything expensive or am I just poor?

• I’m so tired of not being a multimillionaire.

• Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Popular funny money quotes

• If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

• The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

• I want to be rich enough where I’m not offended by the price of beef jerky.

• I just want to be rich enough to stop having to pretend that I’m getting work done.

• Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

• And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

• Paid my mortgage so don’t ask me to come out. I’m getting my money’s worth.

• If you want to know what God thinks of money, look at the people he gave it to.

• Why does it take 5-7 business days to refund my money when it took 5-7 seconds to take it out of my account?

• All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

More funny money quotes

• I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

• My tattoo means that I can’t be trusted with $200.

• I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

• Whoever thinks money doesn’t buy happiness can deposit it in my bank account.

• If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

• Just checked my bank account. Looks like everyone’s getting well wishes for Christmas.

• I need a job with a salary that’ll shock me every month.

• Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

• There should be a website where you post your wishes, and rich people who don’t know what to do with their money give you an anonymous gift.

• Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

Witty money quotes

• Apparently, I’m not even going through a lot; I just need money.

• Fruit and vegetables expire faster when you’re the one paying for them.

• Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

• People who grew up with money will look you in the eyes and ask you something insane like, “Do you ski?”

• I’m broke — I got money, but it’s for responsibilities.

• I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

• I love it when God gives me money.

• Nobody defends billionaires better than dudes making $50,000 a year.

• What part of “I need to save money” do I not understand?

• To save money, you really just gotta stay at home.

Funny money quotes remind us that while money can’t buy happiness, it sure buys plenty of funny stories 😂. From budgeting fails 📉 to questionable purchases 🧸, our financial adventures are full of comedy gold 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who’s ever checked their bank account and thought, “Well, that escalated quickly” 😅. So laugh at the splurges, embrace the broke jokes, and enjoy the humor in the never-ending pursuit of financial freedom 💳!