50+ Funny Confidence Quotes That Prove Faking It Is Half The Battle

New funny confidence quotes

• Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

• Most people think that I’m arrogant, but who cares what peasants think.

• “I asked ChatGPT,” “I asked Grok.” Well, I just made some shit up, and people believe me because I’m well read and use big words.

• I’ve mastered farting, and it be loud and quick, but the key is don’t make a face or look around, so people can’t pinpoint it to you. Just act natural.

• No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

• It’s cool that women want me, but it makes me sad that fish fear me.

• I haven’t posted a selfie in a while, but I’m still very cute. Just to keep you updated.

• I think God was high when he made me.

• Gatekeeping how insanely handsome I am by looking like total shit all the time.

• If I’m giving you attention, feel blessed. My real passion is ignoring people.

Top funny confidence quotes

• Stop worrying about being weird and start being weirder.

• Your boos don’t mean anything to me. I’ve seen what you people cheer for!

• I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

• Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

• Accessories can really boost a woman’s self-confidence. For example, I know I would feel 10x sexier if I carried a sword with me at all times.

• When you look this sexy, they should let you leave work early.

• I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

• Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

• Only time I believe a man is when he tells me that I’m pretty.

• Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Popular funny confidence quotes

• I just read a thing that said I should compliment myself on my decisions, regardless of the outcome. No thanks, I’m not the government.

• I hate to brag, but I’ve been the biggest mistake of numerous people’s lives.

• I’m going to become more attractive or more delusional; I haven’t decided yet.

• Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here pumping gas until the dollar amount ends with 0.

• My summer body is just my winter body with better lighting.

• Remember: no matter what anyone else thinks of you, it’s how you delude yourself that matters.

• My plans for today? Same as always: drink coffee and be sexy.

• I’ve been blocked, unfollowed, and unfriended, but I’ve never been told I’m bad in bed.

• The lion does not concern himself with attaching a cover letter.

• If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

More funny confidence quotes

• Cool times create cool guys.

• Men become instantly more attractive when they wear aviators; it’s science.

• The zero likes won’t stop me from posting. I will talk to myself if I have to.

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

• Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

• I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

• Hey dude, I recently became omniscient, and well, you fell off in every universe.

• I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

• If I ever look at my phone in the middle of a conversation with you, I’m not reading a text; I’m just looking up the definition of a word I just used a bit too confidently.

• Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

Witty confidence quotes

• I won’t bore you with my problems because all of my problems are fascinating.

• “Got milk?” Buddy, I don’t even have self-esteem.

• A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

• Weird how I can’t seem to reach anything at the grocery store when hot men are around.

• Anyone who wants to learn how to be humble, feel free to talk to me. There’s nothing like learning from the best.

• The key to looking amazing is looking like shit most of the time, so it’s more of a surprise.

• I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

• The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.

• How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

• If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Funny confidence quotes remind us that swaggering through life’s messes with a smile 😎 is often the funniest part of the journey 😂. Whether it’s giving a speech you didn’t prepare 🎤 or pretending you know how to assemble IKEA furniture 🔧, confidence turns every challenge into a comedy routine 🤣. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that looking sure of yourself is sometimes all it takes. So keep your head high, your smile wide, and your humor sharp — confidence has never looked funnier 🤪!