New funny kids quotes

• My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

• The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

• Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

• Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

• Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

• Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

• I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

• When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

• When kids try to guess your age it will either be completely flattering or utterly devastating, but never correct.

• Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Top funny kids quotes

• Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

• The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

• My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

• Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

• Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

• The day your kids stop waking up early on the weekend is the same day your body stops letting you sleep in.

• No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

• Girls … I understood why they advise us to get married and have kids before 25. Because after that, our brain starts working, and the decision won’t seem so reasonable anymore.

• In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

• If you haven’t felt old yet today, try explaining to a teenager how little kids used to sit on a phone book at dinner to be able to reach the table.

Popular funny kids quotes

• Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

• My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

• Kids be like, I see you have a moment to yourself, and I must correct that immediately.

• Let’s get married and have kids, so instead of relaxing during weeknights, we can go to seven practices and relearn algebra.

• My kids will never appreciate the amount of extroverting the introvert me does for them.

• Maybe the reason we weren’t that affected by all the violence we saw in cartoons as kids is because it was offset by classical music.

• My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

• Vacations are expensive, but how else could you put a price tag on your kids being ungrateful in a different city.

• Stop giving kids Bible names but no Bible lessons. Moses tried to rob me last night.

• “Easy like Sunday morning” is something people with no kids say.

More funny kids quotes

• Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

• What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

• Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

• Putting together a piece of furniture today, so my kids are about to learn swear words that haven’t even been invented yet.

• Sitting in a room with my husband and kids… Suddenly I realize everyone here has been in my vagina. Wow.

• My advice to kids in kindergarten is to start saving all the money.

• The neighbor girl told my kids she wouldn’t come over until they cleaned their rooms, so I guess I do have a favorite child.

• Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?

• You know when a donkey followed Shrek home and just kept talking? That’s what it’s like having kids.

• None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Witty kids quotes

• If you’re soft, don’t come to my house, cause my kids will roast you.

• Cleaning your kid’s room will piss you off, cause why is my Airfryer in here?

• Kids don’t love anything as much as they love arguing with each other.

• One of the toughest jobs in parenting is serving the inevitable eviction notice on your kid’s pillow fort.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

• There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

• All kids are born with a sixth sense that lets them know the absolute worst time to ask for something.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

• Parenting just means you have to pretend you like to eat fruits and vegetables in front of your kids, knowing you’d rather eat a cheeseburger instead.

• My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Funny kids quotes remind us that children are masters of accidental humor 🤣. From epic tantrums 🎭 to bizarre logic that somehow makes sense to them 🧩, kids keep us laughing even on the most exhausting days 😂. These quotes are perfect for parents, teachers, or anyone who’s ever had a kid say something so strange it became an instant classic 🙃. So cherish the madness, enjoy the laughter, and celebrate the comedy that only kids can bring 🤪!