50+ Funny Pet Quotes That Prove Our Furry Friends Are Secret Comedians

New funny pet quotes

• Flies are literally obsessed with flying into a room, then pretending they can’t get out. Grow up.

• I love talkative cats. Like, yeah, bro. Meow, meow! You’re so right.

• Got my dog microchipped, so if he runs away, I can just press a button, and he’ll explode.

• You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

• Death doesn’t scare me, but a group of dogs fighting while I’m walking alone on the street does.

• I can do a lot of things, but listening to someone chew is not one of them.

• With a cat on your lap, you deal better with the crap.

• My cat just knocked over my coffee mug and looked at me like it was my fault. How dare I put it on the edge of the table?

• Pugs look like regular dogs that ran into a door at full speed.

• Everyone’s gangsta till you’re waiting on your dog to poop.

Top funny pet quotes

• My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

• Cats spend two-thirds of their lives sleeping, and the other third making viral videos.

• My kids are asking for another dog that I can feed and walk.

• Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

• Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

• Self-care is putting your face on a very soft cat.

• Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.

• When I bark at a dog, I always worry that I might have inadvertently said something wrong.

• Wow, I absolutely love your outfit. The black really brings out the pet hair on it.

• People will name their dog Steve and have two kids named Buddy and Rocket.

Popular funny pet quotes

• Every time I stand up, my dog gets excited as hell. He understands that I’m a real man who can make shit happen at any given moment.

• My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

• I accidentally used my dog’s shampoo today, and now I’m feeling like such a good girl.

• I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

• Every day when I get home, I thank my cats for allowing me to live in their house.

• If cats could text you back, they wouldn’t.

• Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

• Washing my hands in the sink and then wiping them on my cat, like a towel.

• I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

• If my cats are going to insist upon me getting up early, they’re going to have to learn how to make coffee.

More funny pet quotes

• Get a puppy if you are in the market for a best friend who gets you up early so she can bite you excitedly.

• Our dog snores so loud, we had to rename him Grandpa.

• “You let your cat on the bed?” I would put her on my life insurance.

• Judging by the hair on my couch, I’m surprised I have any cat left at all.

• Sometimes I just want a man to talk to me in the same voice he uses to talk to his dog.

• I love it when my dog suddenly gets up and goes to another part of the house. Did you just remember you left the stove on or something?

• I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

• Living with a dog is 90% following each other around, watching each other go potty, and wondering what the other has in their mouth.

• Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

• Well, at least my cat is supportive of me doing less and laying around more.

Witty pet quotes

• It’s amazing how cats can ignore you with both ears.

• Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

• Every time I see a dog with its head out a window, I know it’s having a better day than I am.

• It’s funny how cats have ears on top of their head, but don’t use them.

• Do you ever look into your cats eyes and realize that a person is inside there?

• If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

• Every outdoor cat should be given a little cowboy hat and a gun.

• The audacity of someone being in the store aisle I want to go down.

• Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

• The only time you should be faking it is when your pet checks to see if you’re awake.

Funny pet quotes remind us that while pets may be cute 🐾, they’re also experts at creating chaos and stealing the spotlight 🤣. Whether it’s barking at nothing 🐕, staring at invisible ghosts 👻, or completely ignoring your commands 🙃, pets are endless sources of entertainment. These quotes are perfect for anyone who knows that being a pet owner means constantly laughing at the nonsense your little companion pulls off daily 🤪. So grab some treats, scratch some bellies, and enjoy the hilarious ride that comes with having a pet 😆!