New funny change quotes

• Sex is like my hair. I didn’t have any yesterday. I didn’t have any today. And unless something drastically changes, I won’t have any tomorrow.

• Once you start paying rent, every joke stops being funny.

• I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

• I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.

• I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

• Mud season creeps up on us every year, destroying hearts and minds as well as light grey carpeting.

• I have a mental illness that makes me think that people will change their minds if I present the correct arguments with the appropriate facts and data.

• I love how women can go from obsessed to not interested at all when a man makes that one wrong move.

• Due to personal reasons, I’m evil now.

• I just bought a universal remote. This changes everything.

Top funny change quotes

• Is 27 a good age to leave everything you know and love, and start over?

• Thought I would mix things up today and sit in a new spot on my couch. Absolute chaos over here.

• “You’ve changed.” Yeah, I watched a new movie.

• I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

• Unfortunately, it only strengthens my spirit when the summer people mourn their terrible season.

• You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

• At my next therapy session, I will be discussing the trauma I’ve been dealing with ever since the grocery store layout was altered.

• Cinderella had one night out, and it changed her life. I had one night out, and it changed my credit score.

• It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

• A hostile alien invasion sounds like a nice change of pace.

Popular funny change quotes

• A long time ago, being crazy meant something. Nowadays, everybody is crazy.

• Why do you always wanna change your life before you fall asleep, then in the morning you wake up like ‘Nah!’

• I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

• Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

• I’m old enough to remember when the hole in the ozone layer killed us all off.

• Fifteen years ago, makeup was all powders and dusts. But now, it’s all goo and liquid. From this, I can infer that by 2040, it will all be made of pigmented gases.

• I hate when I change the battery in the bathroom scale, and it starts telling the truth again.

• My favorite machine at the gym is the one where you put change in, and snacks come out.

• Rather than work on my issues, I’m counting on my personality getting changed by a falling coconut.

• Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

More funny change quotes

• Dating these days is like trusting a crackhead to come back with your change.

• This heat made me realize I won’t survive in hell, I gotta change.

• I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

• Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

• One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

• It’s not getting better or worse, but rather a third mysterious thing.

• They should invent a small lifestyle change that has an instantaneous, huge payoff.

• Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

• Watched Titanic for the 14th time. Still sobbing. Still yelling, “SCOOT OVER, COW!” like it’ll change the ending.

• Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Witty change quotes

• Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

• I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

• I hate when I turn my car on in the morning and the music starts blasting, and I am like, “Whoooah, big fella, I’m not the same person I was last night.”

• People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

• I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

• Me (young, naive): “I hope something good happens.” Me (now): “I hope whatever bad happens is at least funny.”

• Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

• I hate listening to a rapper that I used to adore, and they just don’t have it anymore.

• I changed my Facebook name to “Benefits.” Now, when people add me, it says, “You are now friends with benefits.”

• Ohhh, I just realised you can change your facial expression. I was just doing the one.

Funny change quotes remind us that while change is supposed to help us grow 🌱, it usually starts by completely confusing us first 🤣. Whether it’s new technology 📱, unexpected life twists 🎢, or simply rearranging the furniture 🛋️, change rarely goes smoothly. These quotes are perfect for anyone who loves to pretend they’re flexible — until change actually happens 🙃. So embrace the awkward adjustments, laugh at the learning curves, and enjoy the comedy of constant change 🤪!